Thumbs Up: Roger Eberts Funniest Zingers | Reader's Digest

Thumbs Up: Roger Ebert’s Funniest Zingers

Roger Ebert will be remembered primarily as a critic, but he was a great comedian in his own right. Here are our favorite zingers Ebert dished out during his long career, thus shielding the world from Hollywood's biggest bombs.

By Brandon Specktor
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    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

    "If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

    —Roger Ebert reviews Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen



    Armagaddon

    "No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."

    —Roger Ebert reviews Armageddon


    Valentine's Day

    "Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again."

    —Roger Ebert reviews Valentine's Day

    The Bucket List

    "I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens."

    —Roger Ebert reviews The Bucket List

    The Village

    "To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes."

    —Roger Ebert reviews The Village


    Stargate

    "The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."

    —Roger Ebert reviews Stargate

    13 Ghosts

    "The screenplay is dead on arrival. The noise level is torture. I hope 13 Ghosts plays mostly at multiplexes, because it's the kind of movie you want to watch from the next theater."

    —Roger Ebert reviews 13 Ghosts

    Mr. Magoo

    "Mr. Magoo is transcendentally bad. It soars above ordinary badness as the eagle outreaches the fly. There is not a laugh in it. Not one. I counted."

    —Roger Ebert reviews Mr. Magoo

    Freddie Got Fingered

    "This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

    —Roger Ebert reviews Freddie Got Fingered

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    Your Comments

    • Thomas

      Maybe I’ve been influenced by the subsequent TV series, but I liked Stargate. I LOVED the TV series spawned by that movie.