Thumbs Up: Roger Ebert’s Funniest Zingers
Roger Ebert will be remembered primarily as a critic, but he was a great comedian in his own right. Here are our favorite zingers Ebert dished out during his long career, thus shielding the world from Hollywood's biggest bombs.
By Brandon Specktor
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."
—Roger Ebert reviews Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
"No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out."
—Roger Ebert reviews Armageddon
"Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again."
—Roger Ebert reviews Valentine's Day
The Bucket List
"I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens."
—Roger Ebert reviews The Bucket List
"To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes."
—Roger Ebert reviews The Village
"The movie Ed Wood, about the worst director of all time, was made to prepare us for Stargate."
—Roger Ebert reviews Stargate
"The screenplay is dead on arrival. The noise level is torture. I hope 13 Ghosts plays mostly at multiplexes, because it's the kind of movie you want to watch from the next theater."
—Roger Ebert reviews 13 Ghosts
"Mr. Magoo is transcendentally bad. It soars above ordinary badness as the eagle outreaches the fly. There is not a laugh in it. Not one. I counted."
—Roger Ebert reviews Mr. Magoo
Freddie Got Fingered
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."
—Roger Ebert reviews Freddie Got Fingered