What Your Favorite Thanksgiving Dish Says About You

The feast of life draws some strange eaters.

By Brandon Specktor
Loading

Turkey

You are a patient person. Fools who argue over dark meat or light have missed the point: a turkey dinner is one worth waiting for, especially if that wait includes football. You believe in second helpings, and second chances. Nobody needs to explain to you how each November a gobbling punchline suddenly turns majestic, widely beloved, and the vivacious golden-brown hue of a Florida bachelor. 

fromoldbooks.org

Mashed Potatoes

It's perhaps the most popular side dish on the table, but that doesn't make you a conformist. Consider these potato preferences…WITH gravy: You are more concerned with immediate happiness than future consequences. WITHOUT gravy: You may feel you aren't entitled to true satisfaction, thanks to some imaginary, parent-instilled inadequacy from your youth—or maybe that's just indigestion. ONLY gravy: You have a very good relationship with your cardiologist.

Stuffing

The coziest side dish on the table often appeals to the emotionally vulnerable. You never miss Thanksgiving at Mom's (even though she can be a bit, well, stufficating). Drawn to warm, sheltered places, even the most content stuffing-lover may still be looking for that metaphorical "missing turkey" in his life.

fromoldbooks.org

Sweet-Potato Casserole

At once dessert and dinner, sweet potato casserole is a paradoxical dish, and you are a paradoxical soul. You are self-indulgent, and yet self-improving, like a marathon runner with a pocket full of Twinkies. You are all about the blurred lines. It may be a cliché, but you truly do want to have your cake and eat kale too.

Fromoldbooks.org and Wikimedia Commons

Cranberry Sauce

You may be tart, but you'd rather boil your problems in sugar than deal with them straight up. If you prefer the jelled kind, just know that everyone thinks you secretly belong at the kids' table.

fromoldbooks.org

Green Beans

Like the bean itself, you are thin in profile, like to "keep it green" (environmentally and fiscally), and are a great source of Riboflavin, whatever that is. Beanophiles are 53 percent more likely than others to decline a second helping of food at Thanksgiving, making everyone around them 80 percent more likely to feel greedy and gluttonous. 

Oldbookillustrations.com and Wikimedia Commons

Alcohol

You are in for a rough, rough Christmas.

Keep the laughs coming every week!

Get our hilarious Funny Reads newsletter

Sending Message
how we use your e-mail

Your Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus