GRAND-PRIZE WINNER: TIMELESS
By Michelle Brueger, Bennettsville, South Carolina
I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. On road trips, we competed over who sported the most hawks first. Our favorite competition was, upon seeing each other, who could say the words “I love you best” first. If I got him first, Dad would reply, “I’ll get you—just wait.”
My dad died the night before my 50th birthday. The next day, Mom brought me a gift, saying, “This is from your dad. He bought it for you five years ago.” Inside was a beautiful gold pocket watch. Engraved on the inside were the words I love you best—Gotcha.
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Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.