“Only children should wear bangs,” a reader wrote in an otherwise kind letter addressed to me. I decided to be delighted by the comment. It’s in the running to be the title of my future memoir, should I ever write one, and it’s a shoo-in for my work quote of the year. I was inspired by “2013: The Year in Quotes,” on page 72, so I dug up some others:
This came from a business associate: “As people are occupying Wall Street, Reader’s Digest speaks to Main Street.” Yes! I keep this front of mind, always.
One perplexed subscriber spoke for thousands when he questioned my decision to group all the joke columns into one section: “You wouldn’t put all your salt on one corner of your steak, would you?” Well said. I happily returned Laughter, the Best Medicine and its cousins to their rightful places, sprinkled throughout the publication.
Then there’s the cheerful poster taped to our design director’s door: “Don’t worry. Everything is going to be amazing.” The words take me down a notch whenever I’m obsessing over a cover shoot or a story layout.
I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. By the time you read this, our new January issue will be on its way to the printer with an improved look that we’ve designed to enhance your reading experience. Millions of you have been with us for many years and might be puzzled to hear about a change, even one painstakingly planned with your happiness in mind. You’ll tell me what you think, and I welcome that.
Meanwhile, don’t worry. It’s going to be amazing.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.