On November 21, 2010, Lance Cpl. Kyle Carpenter, 24, and Lance Cpl. Nick Eufrazio were in Afghanistan when insurgents lobbed a grenade at them. Judging from his injuries, Carpenter threw himself on the device to protect his comrade. (Neither man remembers the blast.) His jaw was blown away, his right eye was destroyed, and his right arm was fractured in 30 places. Eufrazio suffered a severe brain injury from a piece of shrapnel. In 2011, the South Carolina Senate honored Carpenter. “I’m hoping what happened to me will help remind people that brave acts like this happen every day [on the battlefield],” he said at the press conference. His recovery reminds us of the costs of bravery, but after more than 30 surgeries, Carpenter (who retired from the Marines in July) declares, “I’m at my new 100 percent.” Before joining the Marines, “I wasn’t that brave,” he admits. “But the [USMC’s] history makes us want to be brave.”
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.