Witty Insults (page 2 of 2)

Come Again -- When You Have Less Time

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
-- Fred Allen

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
-- David Letterman

She is the original good time that was had by all.
-- Bette Davis

It is guaranteed to put all teeth on edge, including George Washington's, wherever they might be.
-- Vincent Canby

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.
-- Abraham Lincoln

I do not know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together.
-- Charles Dickens

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast.
-- W. S. Gilbert

You must come again when you have less time.
-- Walter Sickert

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down.
-- Bob Newhart

Jerry Ford is a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.
-- Lyndon Baines Johnson

Who picks your clothes -- Stevie Wonder?
-- Don Rickles

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
-- Winston Churchill

From Treasury of Wit & Wisdom

 

•  

• Timeless Tombstones
• These pithy epitaphs refuse to be buried.
• 
• Comedians Gone Wise
• Slightly serious sayings from stand-up's biggest stars.
• 
• Talking 'Bout Love
• Celebrate the feeling everyone enjoys falling for with this collection of love-inspired quotes.
• 
• Marriage Maxims
• Our matrimonial collection reflects on marriage's finest -- and funniest -- features.
• 
• Parenthood -- Put Into Words
• Words from celebritites about the joys and frustrations of parenting.
•