Witty Insults

As Alice Roosevelt Longworth said, "If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me."

Virtues and Vices

Nobody likes a perpetual grump. But a finely crafted, cleverly phrased insult has its own special kind of beauty. A friendly warning, however: Don't try this at home.

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
-- Dorothy Parker on Katharine Hepburn

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
-- Groucho Marx

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.
-- Peter Ustinov

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
-- Woody Allen

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
-- Mark Twain

I heard his library burned down and both books were destroyed -- and one of them hadn't even been colored in yet.
-- Robertson Davies

He has all the characteristics of a dog --- except loyalty.
-- Sam Houston

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
-- Winston Churchill

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams

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