Due to sequestration, automatic cuts will start taking a chunk out of the federal budget starting today. In sympathy with the government’s plight, Reader’s Digest’s humor department will be indiscriminately slashing its jokes all day.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg rolls over, pulls up the blanket and says, “Well, I guess …” DUE TO SEQUESTRATION, THE PUNCHLINE FOR THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CUT.
Q: DUE TO SEQUESTRATION, THE SET UP FOR THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CUT.
A: A Doberman Pinscher.
Two idiots are driving. At the top of a steep hill, they start going down it very fast. DUE TO SEQUESTRATION, THE FIRST IDIOT FROM THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CUT The other idiot replies, “Don’t worry. There’s a stop sign ahead.”
How many blondes does it take to screw in a DUE TO SEQUESTRATION, THE LIGHTBULB HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THIS JOKE.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock Knock. Who's there? DUE TO SEQUESTRATION, THE ORANGE HAS BEEN CHANGED TO ONE RAISIN. Raisin. Raisin who? Raisin you glad I didn't say banana!
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My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.