Independence Day (page 3 of 4)

Too Early

With a green light from the welfare department, the first five young people entered Lighthouse's Independent Living Program (ILP) in 1981. "We were a little shaky at the beginning," says Mecum. But today more than 1,000 Hamilton County 18- and 19-year-olds have moved into their own apartments, finished school, begun careers. Lighthouse's ILP has become a model for the nation.

Triston Day is one of the luckiest foster kids in America. If you're going to age out of the system, Cincinnati is now a very good place to do that.

So Triston continues to live with the Urbans and begins Hamilton County's yearlong course in self-sufficiency. The county will retain custody of him and continue to pay the Urbans for his upkeep as long as he participates in ILP. He studies nutrition and hygiene, job skills, budgeting, cooking and laundry. He researches the answers to questions like "If I had legal problems, I could call ______. If I had a gas leak, I could call ______. If I was depressed or suicidal, I could call ______." He opens a bank account and begins saving for a car. Each evening, after his school homework is done, Triston turns to his ILP homework. He looks up to find Darla smiling at him from the doorway. She and John marvel at his dedication, support him in his effort to grow up overnight.

Triston doggedly attends six months' worth of Saturday seminars on self-sufficiency along with 150 other Hamilton County foster care teens. Graduates of the program, young people now in their 20s, tell them, via videotape, true stories of hard times.

"I didn't do what I had to do at first," says one man. "I'm thinking that if I don't have the rent money on the first of the month, I'll just give it to the landlord by the end of the month. But it don't work like that. He doesn't get his money first of the month, end of the month I'm going to be sitting outside."

"The hardest thing is that your friends have moms and dads," says another program graduate, "and you really don't have anyone to talk to."

Once again, the unzipped duffel bag appears, this time filled with clothes. Boxes are loaded with books, CDs and sports trophies; small foster siblings weep, "Triston, why do you have to go?" John Urban helps remove Triston's posters from the wall. The whole family gets into the car and follows Triston and his counselor to his first solo apartment, on the ground floor of an old two-story brick building. It is walking distance from the lunch shop where Triston works, which is a good thing, since he doesn't own a car yet. He has been a model ILP student. He has demonstrated the ability to pay half his rent and utilities each month, while maintaining his grades.

Everyone feels a mix of pride, excitement and melancholy while beginning to unpack the boxes. Inside the apartment, the younger kids zip around opening and closing cabinets, trying the faucets, flipping on lights. Darla makes Triston's bed, then begins to unpack dishes and pans provided by Lighthouse. "Look! A griddle! This is great!" she calls out from the kitchen. John checks the thermostat and makes sure the back door locks securely. Suddenly, amid tears and hugs, it is time to kiss Triston goodbye. It's a school night; the little kids need to go home to bed.

"Can I come visit you, Triston?" asks Katie tearfully.

"You better," he says, ruffling her hair while she hugs him.

"Come for lunch on Sunday!" calls Darla. And then more earnestly, looking into his eyes, "Call anytime you need anything, sweetie." Then they bustle out, the door closes behind them, and Triston Day, a high school junior, is living on his own. Somehow this isn't what he had in mind.

The silence scares him. The loneliness feels like a stomachache. He's cold. He digs in a box and finds a sweatshirt. He is hungry. Darla has left behind money and groceries. He makes himself a sandwich, but the knot in his belly feels worse. Too early, he gets into his pajamas, brushes his teeth, hangs up his toothbrush, which looks silly -- a lone toothbrush in a toothbrush rack. Too early, he gets into bed. Did he lock the doors? Did he turn down the heat? He is too cold and sad to check. He lies awake.

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