Independence Day (page 4 of 4)

Mother Hen

Every day in Cincinnati, 85 ILP kids are living in their own apartments under the watchful gaze of Lighthouse and JFS caseworkers. "On any given day, a third of them are doing fine," says Mark Kroner, director of Lighthouse's ILP. "A third are on the edge, and a third are turning my hair white as we speak."

In the Lighthouse headquarters, caseworkers regularly swap stories. There's the particularly troubled kid who used his one phone call from jail to call the program's assistant director. There's the young woman who skipped the anger-management training class because, she explains, "I had a nasty fight with my boyfriend and didn't feel like going." There's the youth who called to ask for the remainder of her savings. "I'm leaving this program because I'm tired of all you being on my back!" she said. Then she asked, "Who's going to help me move my stuff?"

Then there are the successes: The student who's become high school valedictorian. A former charge who just returned from the Army in Korea and plans to continue her work in the chemical materials field, which should lead to a good private-sector job. And a former client of Kroner's who called to say, "Hey, Mark, thought I'd let you know I'm supervising eight people at work now."

Triston applies for a second job, as a groundskeeper at a nearby park. He needs to earn more money -- he wants that car -- and wants to spend less time in his apartment. He always feels cold there. The loneliness never goes away. He props up photos of himself with his friends, with the Urbans, with his biological siblings. It's not enough to stave off depression. He begins hitting lows that scare him. He knows there are places to turn for help and phones a counselor. He talks through his sorrow over breaking up with a girlfriend; he talks about his isolation. "I'd go home if I could, to the Urbans," he says. "Just to be with them."

When she visits Triston, Darla knows at once that he's stressed. "When Triston's upset, he cleans," she says. "This place is immaculate." When she chides him about the military precision of his shined shoes, his pressed shirts, his alphabetized CD collection, he sheepishly points to his tips from work, a stack of dollar bills: They are arranged by serial number, in chronological order.

In the spring of 2003, Triston, 19, is working 70 hours a week. With money in the bank, he starts looking for a nicer place to live. He drives his new used car up into Cincinnati's hilly southern outskirts and finds a modern, upscale brick complex with the perfect one-bedroom apartment. It overlooks a forested hillside sloping to the banks of the Ohio River.

Soon after, the Urbans throw a backyard party in honor of Triston's high school graduation. His siblings and their families drive into town for the celebration. They caravan over to Triston's new apartment for a tour. Everyone exclaims over the smallest things, like guest towels in the bathroom and a spice rack in the kitchen. When his caseworker comes to visit, she's flabbergasted. Triston invites her to sit on a handsome plaid sofa in his living room or on deck chairs on the balcony.

"Triston is such a success story," says Mark Kroner. "He learned at 19 what his friends aren't going to learn until 25." He and Triston agree that, in a couple of years, Triston will become a Lighthouse mentor to younger teens who are on the terrifying brink of aging out.

"We're so proud of him," says Darla Urban. She and John once again extend the offer to Triston to adopt him. They are not inviting him to move back in with them, nor does he want to, but they invite him to be part of their family, legally, forever. This time Triston says yes, and plans are made for the adoption to go through sometime in the near future. He has been accepted by Cincinnati State, and hopes to work toward a career in forensic chemistry like his foster dad.

The parents of two of his younger brothers allow the boys to stay with Triston for a week at a time during the summer. Triston turns into a mother hen. He hauls in groceries, cooks big meals, does his brothers' laundry, is happier than he ever thought possible.

"Once I'm started in my career, I want to get married," Triston says. "I hope my wife and I have lots of kids. We'll live near my brothers and sister. And we'll take in foster kids, for sure. There are a lot of kids out there who really need homes."

From Reader's Digest - February 2004

 

• • Inspiring Stories

• A Get-Along Guide for Parents of Teens
• Try these tips for keeping the lines of communication open between you and your teen.
• 
• Teen Boot Camp: A Deadly Decision?
• Desperate parents are turning to "boot camp"-style rehabilitation centers to turn their troubled teens around. Do these programs work, or are they putting our kids at even greater risk?
• 
• The Rules of a Better Parent-Child Relationship
• The benefits of laying down the law(s)
• 
• Foster a Better Relationship With Your Children
• 17 ways to sustain the love and respect.
•