Turning Point: Finding Dad (page 2 of 2)

Resolving the Past

I decided to start by calling my father's parents. We'd been in touch off and on over the years, and they lived about an hour away from my dad. I called them at home on Father's Day. When someone picked up, I asked, "Who's this?"

"This is John," the voice said.

It was my dad.

That moment put both of us on the spot. We talked for a half-hour, and I told him I wanted to make a trip to Ohio to visit.

That July, my best friend and I drove from Brooklyn to my grandparents' house, and the next day, my dad came over. I remember being pretty nervous as he pulled up in his van. Standing in the driveway, we hugged. It was a little uncomfortable, but neither of us could stop smiling. It was a strange feeling, but it was exciting. Though we don't look much alike, we're both tall and thin.

We talked briefly, then sat in my dad's van and looked at some baby pictures of me he'd brought. I asked him some questions, like if I cried a lot when I was little. Then we decided to take my grandparents' boat out on the river near their house, where we could relax and talk some more. My dad, a special education tutor, is a pretty quiet guy, but he really opened up to me that afternoon. He told me how much he'd loved my mom and how hard it was for him when it ended between them.

"I was in a deep depression," he said. "And to see you, I had to see her." It made some sense, but at the same time, staying out of my life was a decision he had made.

Still, I wasn't looking for him to excuse his behavior and ask me to forgive him. I just wanted to hear his side of it.

We spent the next few days getting to know each other. We didn't fix our relationship overnight, though. In fact, we didn't speak for nine months after I made that first trip to see him. Finally, I called his house. My stepmother, Debbie, answered the phone. I told her I wanted to come visit the two of them, and she said okay.

When I got to their house, my stepmother and I talked about the way she'd treated me in the past.

She said I wasn't a threat. "You were a gift," she said. "Why didn't I see that before?" She was on the verge of tears as she told me she was sorry. That night, she and I played our guitars together in the den while my dad looked on with a smile on his face.

Today my father and I are as close as we can be with him living in Ohio and my crazy schedule filming movies and Entourage. We talk on the phone and visit when we can. When we're together, we drink beers and have jam sessions. We've discovered we have a lot in common, from the shape of our feet to our creative streaks. I'm glad we're in each other's lives now.

My dad even came to New York a few months ago to see me screen a short film I'd made. I was backstage, and through a window I could peek out into the crowd. My mom was there, too, and I watched my parents meet for the first time in so many years. Seeing them, just two people hanging out together, was nice. Everything felt resolved.

Finding my dad is proof that life isn't always ideal or romantic. It's a series of triumphs and disappointments, and that's okay. The best we can do is open our hearts and learn to appreciate and forgive.

From Reader's Digest - June 2007

 

• Actors
• • Relationships
• • TV Personalities

• Julie Iglesias and His Father
• My father always managed to have my back.
• 
• Father and Son Serve Together in Iraq
• A father re-enlists in the marines and joins his son on the battlefield in Iraq.
• 
• Rudy Giuliani: Lesson From His Father
• In the grim days after September 11, New York's mayor, Rudy Giuliani, kept hearing his father's words: "Courage is doing what you have to do even though you are afraid."
• 
• Jerry Lewis's Father was His Inspiration
• Dad always knew how to get a laugh.
• 
• Tim McGraw on Fatherhood
• Country star Tim McGraw wanted to be a good son and an even better father.
• 

• Be Inspired
• 10 Celebrities Who Give Back
• 7 Amazing Stories, $700,000 to Charity
• Virginia Cervasio: Making It Matter
• PLUS:
• Quiz: What's Your Celebrity Cause IQ?