Turning Point: Finding Dad

He'd been out of my life for 18 years. I needed him back.

• Actors
• Relationships
• TV Personalities

Compelled to Connect

The last time I'd seen my dad, John Dunbar, I was five years old. Now we were standing in my grandparents' driveway, 18 years later, sharing an awkward hug. It was July 9, 1999 -- the day before my birthday -- and I had driven from my home in Brooklyn to Marion, Ohio, to visit him.

My parents met in 1975 at Pumpkin Hollow Farm, a retreat center in Craryville, New York, where my mom taught ritual dance and yoga and my dad was a general laborer and groundskeeper. When they found out I was on the way, they were both ecstatic. But my mom and dad had different ideas about how things would be once I was born. My dad loved my mom, but she just didn't want to be tied down. She told him, "I'm free. You're free."

Still, Dad held out hope that things could change. After Mom delivered me at St. Joseph Hospital in Albuquerque, near her family, she sent him to get her suitcase. While he was packing up her things, he did some snooping. He had been suspicious that she was seeing someone and found love letters that another man had written to her. Heartbroken, he decided to move back to Ohio, where he had lived before. My dad was seldom in my life after that. On the rare occasions he visited us in New Mexico, I remember that he tried to do typical father-son things with me, like build a tree house. But it was never quite right, since we just weren't a traditional father and son.

When I was about five, my mom and I moved to New York City. At that point, my dad truly dropped out of my life. There were a couple of times some years later when I tried to call him. His wife, whom he married in 1981, hung up on me. She even changed their phone number so I couldn't get in touch.

Still, though my dad wasn't around, I had a great life. I had lots of cousins living nearby, and my mom and I were always close. I attended LaGuardia High School and decided to become an actor. But as I grew older, I wanted to know more about my father. To this day, I don't know why I decided to reach out to my dad when I did. I was about to turn 23 and just felt compelled. My mom was very supportive; she realized how important it was to me to get to know my father. "I knew you'd eventually do this," she said.

• Julie Iglesias and His Father
• My father always managed to have my back.
• 
• Father and Son Serve Together in Iraq
• A father re-enlists in the marines and joins his son on the battlefield in Iraq.
• 
• Rudy Giuliani: Lesson From His Father
• In the grim days after September 11, New York's mayor, Rudy Giuliani, kept hearing his father's words: "Courage is doing what you have to do even though you are afraid."
• 
• Jerry Lewis's Father was His Inspiration
• Dad always knew how to get a laugh.
• 
• Tim McGraw on Fatherhood
• Country star Tim McGraw wanted to be a good son and an even better father.
• 

• Be Inspired
• Take Our Fun and Short Around the World Survey!
• Help Prevent Teen Car Crashes
• Meet 6 Incredible Individuals
• PLUS:
• Quiz: Match the Celebrity With the Cause