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TwitThis"He Will Be Missed"
I looked at Bear. He was clearly in pain, but he was alert. It did not seem possible to give up on him. I stroked his head and gave the go-ahead.If Bear survived the operation, he would need at least two days in intensive care, followed by massive doses of antibiotics. The vet said he'd seen old dogs survive and recover very well. His own dog was one of them.
But Bear died on the operating table, before the surgeon could save him. He was weak from infection, and his heart did not tolerate the anesthesia, the vets said.
The emergency room vet cried and said how sorry she was. There was no sign of cancer, and we'd never know what caused the intestinal hole.
They brought me Bear's collar and tags, and said they could make a cast of his paw print if I wanted. I asked if I could see him. A nurse led me into a small examining room, where they'd laid him on a pretty pink-and-white striped sheet. His upside ear was cocked, as if he were listening.
In the lobby, they handed me the paw print. I didn't want to go home. I went to a club near my house and listened to a country band, waiting. When my boyfriend arrived, we went to my house and walked out to the backyard. It was strange to think we'd never see Bear nosing around in the grass again. The squirrels would be happy he was gone. They'd noticed immediately when he'd begun slowing down, and soon were walking, not running, to the nearest tree when they saw him gingerly step down the back-porch ramp.
There was a full moon that night. In the sky, a dozen birds moved across the face of the moon in a bright white V. They may have been geese heading north for the summer. Or possibly they were cranes, which also migrate at that time of year. White cranes are a sign of luck in many parts of the world. So, in my head, I made them cranes and hoped they would bring Bear luck, wherever he was.
A few days later, a vase of flowers arrived on the front doorstep. There was a card. It was from my veterinary clinic. "With sympathy for the loss of Bear," it said. "He will be missed."
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