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RD: Well, there's definitely one man who thinks you're beautiful -- Ben Affleck. But what everyone wants to know is...how did you and Ben fall in love?JL: We met on the set of Gigli. I was with my [second] husband, Chris [Judd], at the time. Because I was married, it removed that element.
RD: The romantic element?
JL: There was no illusion that Ben and I were going to go anywhere, so we just became friends. I'm a very faithful person. If somebody had told me, "Ben's attracted to you," I would have said, "No. I wasn't raised that way."
RD: To be unfaithful to your husband, you mean?
JL: Yes. Chris and I were having problems, but that's one thing Ben and I never talked about. I felt it was too private and sacred -- to talk about that with another man wouldn't have been cool. So we talked about past relationships and his old girlfriends and crazy things he did and silly things I did. After the movie, we kept in touch. Then I told Ben I couldn't talk to him, because by then Chris and I were separated and I didn't want anything to be misconstrued. He respected it and never called me. Then I called him.
RD: He must respect the fact that you weren't open to him in a romantic way until you separated from Chris.
JL: It made a huge difference. He knew that if he was ever involved with me, I would never do it to him.
RD: You've been with some very different kinds of men, from Sean "Puffy" Combs, who you dated before Chris, to Ben. It's like a flip-flop from home-boy to WASP.
JL: I don't look at people and see color and race. I see inside. If you look at the people I've been with, there's no type. Ojani was from Cuba -- different from me, a Latina born here. Puffy and I grew up in the same kind of background, but he's African American. You have Chris, who was Asian, Filipino. Then there's Ben.
RD: You've been married twice, for a little more than a year each time. What makes you think this one is going to be different? JL: I thought I learned the first time, but went and did it again a second time: jumped into something without examining it. I think women crave stability more than men. We're nesters. I really was craving stability, and then you find a wonderful person who's good to you. But it's so many other things that make a marriage work.
RD: Such as?
JL: Communication, understanding, being in the same dynamic. The first time, we never even thought about all those things, and all of a sudden I realized I had all this responsibility. We had this house. He wasn't working. I thought, I'm my father. I remembered that pained look on his face about supporting his family, making sure his girls were okay. I felt like that. What if I didn't work next month?
RD: Obviously you and Ben both have careers. You're more equals. Are you working harder at the relationship?
JL: Yes. We talk about everything, just that brutal honesty -- "I'm scared of this; this worries me." And when you do that, nothing's left to chance. I've done this two times before. It's not a fear of doing the wrong thing again. I won't make that mistake -- because it's devastating, not just to the other people, to yourself. Even if you're the one who wants out.
RD: Do you have a wedding date?
JL: No.
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