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Q&A With Stephen Colbert
Q: Who came up with the idea to make the set a shrine to you?A: I took a picture of da Vinci's Last Supper to our set designer and said, "You see how the room converges on Jesus's head? I want the set to converge on my head." We had the desk built as a giant C. On the flag behind me, there are radiating lines, the idea being that I don't translate the news to you -- I am the news; I am the Sun King. The bookshelves actually all point at my head too.
Q: How did you get so much self-esteem?
A: My character has tremendous self-doubt. He wants to be liked, and he thinks that people like winners, so he always wants to seem like a winner. That means he's quick to anger because he perceives everything as an insult.
Q: Speaking of O'Reilly, you once told him that you "catch the world in the headlights of my justice." What does that mean?
A: My justice is like two xenon headlights on the front of an Audi A8L. The world is a deer trying to cross the road of my desire. And the headlights of my justice, well, justice is actually my car, the headlights of my justice catch the deer, and then I run the world over.
Q: Very well, then. What would your presidential platform have looked like?
A: Very tall. Very narrow. Probably only allow me on it. One plank.
Q: In what ways do you think you're like Senator Obama?
A: I inspire hope in people. I'm tall and thin. I find his wife attractive.
Q: And how are you like Senator McCain?
A: I'm quick to anger. I'm increasingly having to distance myself from the president. I find his wife attractive. Also, I have the physique of a 72-year-old man. That's the way we're most alike.
Q: If you had run Hillary Clinton's campaign, what would you have done differently?
A: I would have asked her to be more tenacious and more "never say die." I feel like she gave in too easily. I would have said, "Do not go gentle into that good night." I would've gotten Bill out there more.
Q: You spent several days in Philadelphia during primary week last April, and you sang "The Star-Spangled Banner" with pop star John Legend in front of 1,000 people. How did it feel?
A: John was harmonizing, and it made me sound really good. Everyone there was incredibly juiced. That whole week was such a thrill -- it was like doing a rock concert every night.
Q: One night on your show that week, you got Senator Clinton and Senator Obama, one after the other. Was your head about to explode?
A: It was about to pop like a kernel of popcorn.
Q: So what about inviting Senator McCain?
A: I would be happy to have Senator McCain on. I don't want my show to turn into a vehicle for a particular political point of view.
Q: You've given so many notable addresses in the past couple of years. Pick one.
A: I gave the commencement speech at Knox College two years ago. In 2005 the speaker was Barack Obama; in 2006 the speaker was Stephen Colbert; in 2007 it was Bill Clinton. So I had an Obama-Clinton sandwich.
Q: Did you have the same kind of memorable experience at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner?
A: Nothing was like the 2006 White House Correspondents' Association dinner. That was a unique experience.
Q: Have you seen President Bush or the First Lady since?
A: I have not. We've been meaning to get together -- but it's just that our schedules are so busy.
Q: Whom do you most admire in the world, and why?
A: I'm a big fan of my mom. She raised 11 kids.
Q: You lost your father and two brothers in an airplane crash when you were ten. As a way of helping your mother cope with her grief, did you try to make her laugh?
A: I remember thinking that that would be a good thing to do. But nothing worked for a long time. It took a year before she laughed.
Q: You grew up in South Carolina. In what way do you have the South in you?
A: There is pluff mud in my blood. Pluff mud is what's at the bottom of a marsh. It's silt and decomposing animals and fish poop, and it's an incredibly fine, clay-like, slippery, quicksandy kind of material, and it's dark gray, almost black. You can smell it at low tide, and it -- more than anything else -- says home to me. I grew up right near a creek and spent my whole childhood on the water. Home for me is physically being in the water.
Q: Do your kids have nicknames?
A: I call all three of them Creature.
Q: Would you say each has a dominant characteristic?
A: Yes. My eldest child's is that she's dominant. My wife and I are both youngest, and our daughter, Made_leine, is the eldest. We don't stand a chance. It's the luck of the draw -- one of your kids is always going to be the eldest. My middle child, Peter, is wildly curious and comes up with the best answers to your questions. And then John, he's courageous. He's the one who climbs up to the top of the dresser and jumps to the couch. We thought, Oh, none of our kids is going to be that style of handful, and then along he came.
Q: Are you a man of wealth and taste?
A: I am now. I like the finer things. As a young actor, I remember being so depressed sometimes, thinking, God, you're really down. What is it? I would step backward through my mind to what had happened that day: Oh, that's right -- you paid for the bus with pennies. You have no money. I wasn't aware that I was poor. But I was young. What does it matter?
Q: Have you gotten more preppy with age?
A: No. I grew up with it. I grew up with blue blazers, regimental-stripe ties, khaki pants, and penny loafers. In South Carolina, I went to cotillion. I grew up on fox-trots.
Q: On your show, you wear designer suits and shoes. Whom are you wearing today?
A: These pants are Banana. This sweater is Banana … or J. Crew. The shirt is J. McLaughlin.
Q: You, Steve Carell, and Jon Stewart have done some palling around. Which of you is Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis, Jr.?
A: Jon is Sinatra, I'm Martin, and I think Steve is Peter Sellers.
Q: How about Dan Rowan, Dick Martin, and Goldie Hawn?
A: I'm Dick.
Q: Goldie?
A: Steve. Jon is Dan.
Q: Larry, Moe, and Curly?
A: Jon is Moe, Steve is Shemp, and I'm Joe Besser, unfortunately.
Q: How do you describe your show?
A: It's essentially improvisational -- it reacts to the world. We're shadowing changes, both the news and the newsmakers or the news deliverers. All that changes, so my target changes constantly. It's dangerous how much I like this show when it seems like it can't be achieved. I like things that are hard.
Q: So does that mean you'll do the housework?
A: I'll do a load of laundry, though I get accused all too often of having done only my laundry. As my wife said to me this weekend, " 'Huh, me Stephen, my laundry.' I notice that you didn't put anybody else's laundry in but yours."
Q: What do you like in a woman?
A: A lot. I like women a lot. Love their company. Maybe it's because I was sort of raised by my mom and my sisters. What do I like most about women? I like when they like me.
Q: On one of your notable shows, Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda came on as a duo. Whom would you pick to date?
A: I don't believe I should have to pick between the two of them. Though I have to say, Jane is fit! There's still a little Barbarella left, I'm here to tell you.
Q: How does your wife [Evelyn McGee] feel about such talk?
A: She's not thrilled.
Q: She's a jealous woman?
A: Angry is a better word. Rage. A lot of rage. Doesn't matter if the woman is 70 years old -- if she's sticking her tongue in my ear, my wife's not thrilled.
Q: Is your wife funny?
A: She is. She has gotten much sillier the longer we've been together.
Q: You popularized the word "truthiness." Merriam-Webster dubbed it Word of the Year and defined it as "the quality by which you know something purely by feeling, without regard to logic, evidence, or intellectual examination." How did you feel about that?
A: Fantastic, because getting Word of the Year when you're married to an English major -- it's better than having six-pack abs. And it's the closest I'll ever come.
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