25 Things Your Mall Santa Won’t Tell You
Trust us, your mall Santa has much more to say than, “What do you want for Christmas?”
Some of us get bonuses for making our daily photo quota
So please forgive me if I try to move things along. Don’t miss these hilarious Christmas jokes.
Never force your screaming kid onto my lap
Just bring him close and give me a few minutes. These funny Santa jokes may make kids laugh.
Want to have more than just a few seconds with me?
Skip the mall. Let’s meet at your kid’s preschool or a photo studio that invites Santa in for special portraits. These 10 small towns have the most Christmas spirit.
I make $7,000 to $10,000 a season doing this, but cut me some slack
Between October and December, most mall Santas work about forty 10-hour days and listen to 30,000 children.
Wondering why both of my white-gloved hands are always where you can see them?
Ask my lawyer. You NEED to see these Christmas traditions from around the world.
I’m sorry Grandma is in heaven or that Mom and Dad have split up
But even Santa can only do so much, so let’s just stick with what you’d like to unwrap on the big day.
As a matter of fact, I did go to mall Santa school for this
Topics of study: how to hold children, manage sticky conversations, and care for my hair and beard.
I don’t have total recall
Don’t come back after a few minutes and ask what your kid requested from mall Santa. Stand close enough to listen. Here’s the secret to giving meaningful gifts.
Those of us with real beards think we’re superior
But the best of the rest of us pay as much as $3,000 to wig makers to make us authentic-looking whiskers.
I see you vigorously nodding your head
Even so, mall Santas will never, ever promise anything to a child. Make sure you follow these 10 rules of gift-giving etiquette this holiday season.