“If your child bites, bite them back so they know how it feels”
“Yikes! This is terrible parenting advice and not likely to lead to very much learning on your child’s part. This advice essentially suggests that kids learn not to hit or bite (or use any aggressive behavior) as a function of understanding how it feels when it happens to them. However, this doesn’t work in real life. First, kids who do hit or bite often do so because they lack the skills to communicate in more appropriate ways. Second, hitting them back doesn’t take away the original cause of the frustration or teach them different skills for managing that negative emotion in the future. Instead, the parent ends up modeling the exact behavior they want the child to avoid.” —Yamalis Diaz, PhD, clinical associate professor in the department of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU Langone’s Child Study Center
“Don’t rely on rules; let kids figure it out themselves”
“While it’s true that kids don’t need rules for everything and being overly strict can lead to negative behavior, kids absolutely do need rules and limits. Kids feel more secure and sure of the world around them when they know what to expect and what’s expected of them. Through rules, they learn to understand the difference between right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, allowed and not allowed, respectful and not respectful. Letting kids figure it out on their own is likely to lead to a lot of bumps in the road that may be hard or nearly impossible to smooth out later when the young adult is faced with a society that has lots of rules.” —Yamalis Diaz
“If your child won’t share, make them”
“Children are not developmentally capable of putting their own feelings aside for another’s feelings until at least age five. And the bigger the feelings, the longer that is going to take to come on line. This means you have to be sensitive to whether or not sharing is a realistic expectation. I always tell parents that if your child has a very special toy, put it away before a playdate. For other toys, have an adult nearby to help the kids navigate sharing as needed.” —Vanessa Lapointe, PhD, psychologist, parenting expert, mother, and author of Discipline Without Damage: How To Get Your Kids To Behave Without Messing Them Up. Here are 17 manners all parents should teach their children.