30 Dating Deal Breakers for Men
Men shy away for all sorts of reasons—some ridiculous, some justifiable, some absolutely mysterious. Here’s what can turn a guy off when it comes to dating.
“Texting is a crucial part of pre- and post-date flirtation today,” says dating coach Hoffman. And it’s true no matter what the age-group. “If you’re not good at keeping up a conversation over text or you simply refuse to text, you are limiting your chances with modern men.” Make sure you know these etiquette rules for texting your partner.
“This is a generation where people are glued to their phones for Candy Crush and FarmVille,” says Freeby. “If I can’t get a quick answer to my texts or call within a few hours, I’m going to assume we’re done.” And that brings up ghosting, which is having someone that you believe cares about you disappear from contact without any explanation at all. No phone call or email, not even a text. It’s not new, but it’s attracted quite a bit of attention in the advent of dating apps, which make it easy to disappear on someone without a trace. “Few things are more confusing and potentially damaging than just disappearing, especially after several dates,” according to Santiago Delboy, MBA, LCSW, a psychotherapist in Chicago. In this day and age, if you drop out of sight, your date is going to assume you’re ghosting.
Playing hard to get
“I’m trying to go to lunch, not on an Indiana Jones adventure to unlock the secrets of some tombstone,” Freeby jokes. But he strikes a chord for a lot of men: “We like a challenge, but if a woman plays hard to get, it’s a deal breaker.” The availability of other women via online dating websites and apps makes it even more crucial that a woman not appear to be closed off, points out dating coach Bennett. Here’s the dumbest dating advice we’ve ever heard.
Being too easy
As Freeby says, “men like a challenge.” They also like sex, reminds Ryan, but there has to be a balance. “If a woman sleeps with a man too soon on the dating journey, it’s a giant red flag,” Ryan says. That said, if a woman shows no affection at all (not sexual affection, but rather, general physical warmth), it’s a total deal breaker for divorced dad Fresolone. “Hand holding and cuddling are important,” he says. “I don’t want to date a woman who’s cold.” These are some more habits of couples who have steamy sex lives.
“No one likes a neganator,” says single 40-something Ari (not his real name). This comes up a lot in online dating. “If your profile leads with the things you hate about men or what has frustrated you about online dating—before you even mentioned your positive qualities, you won’t make the cut even for a first date,” says dating coach Hoffman. Another way people express negativity is by speaking ill of others. “There’s no one less attractive in any given room than the person who feels the need to put others down,” Freeby says.
Single New Yorker William (not his real name) has no tolerance for intolerant women. Since William is a black man, one might assume that any woman he’s dating is not a racist. Not true. “I’ve dated women who are fine with black guys, but dislike Hispanic or Jewish people.” And for William, any intolerance, whether racial, religious, or otherwise, is a deal breaker.
Expecting a mind-reader
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A woman who expects her date to be a mind-reader is not only going to be disappointed, she’s going to end up dumped. Dating For Geeks coach Rami Naseir wants every woman to know: “Men don’t read minds. If you’re unhappy about something and don’t say so, don’t expect it to magically be fixed.” Men also can’t tell when you’re holding a grudge. “If we cross a line, you need to tell us. If we apologize, you need accept it. If you get your apology but still carry venom, that’s a deal breaker.” Here are some better ways to improve communication in your relationship.
Whether she actually is a mind-reader or just thinks she is, it can be an issue, says thirty-something single guy, Finn. “After this woman told me she was a mind-reader, I couldn’t help but wonder if she knew in advance that we wouldn’t be going out again.” On a more serious note, Delboy points out that “when women make assumptions about the motivations behind a man’s actions, it can get old real quick. While you might be correct, it would be a lot better to simply ask.”
Failing to give enough space
“Men need man-time at least once a week,” says geek-coach Rami. “I’m talking about leaving us alone to watch television, read, or do nothing at all.” If a woman can’t give a man at least that much don’t-interrupt-man-time, then it’s going to be a problem. Here are the reasons your partner might say no to sex.
“No one likes to be talked down to or belittled,” Rami says. “If you’re into that, don’t expect him to stick around for long.” If the purpose of constructive criticism is to get a man to change something about himself, it’s wasted breath. “If you badger him about changing something, the one thing he’ll probably change is you.” It would be great if women could stop believing they can change men, observes psychotherapist Delboy. “Men can change and many of them may want to, but it’s a turn-off when someone is actively trying to turn them into someone they’re not.”