15 Early Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Going to Last
New love is so intoxicating we often miss the early signs the relationship may be doomed. Here are the red flags experts say you should be wary of.
Maybe they were just joking. Perhaps the shirt does make you look fat. Or, yes, you could stand to lose some weight. Stop right there: If your confidence is tanking, it’s time to leave. According to marriage and family therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, emotional abuse is when one partner makes the other feel afraid and lowers their self-esteem with the goal of making them feel like no one else in the world will love them like they do. “Often times the person suffering abuse will feel that they can’t leave the emotional abuser because there is no one better out there for them,” she warns. Make sure you know these subtle signs of emotional abuse.
Your friends and family aren’t fans
“Your family and friends usually want what’s best for you and sometimes they can see situations more clearly than we can,” advises Thompson. “Getting their perspective might be helpful in seeing any red flags you may be consciously or unconsciously avoiding.”
They don’t know you hate mushrooms
They never ask about your day—but go on for hours about theirs. They’re quick to tell you why film noir is their favorite, but have no idea that you love documentaries. “You want someone who wants to know all of you—what makes you tick, what you like, and where you come from. If they have little interest, it’s a red flag,” says Thompson. However, if they ask any of these questions, it’s time to leave.
You’re reminded of Fatal Attraction
“Unbridled emotional experiences like feeling “swept away” may suggest that we are not in control of the passion in our relationship but rather are being controlled by it,” says Suzie Pileggi Pawelski, MAPP, who co-authored Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology To Build Love That Lasts, with husband James Pawelski, PhD. “If the intensity continues months into the relationship it can be a warning sign that you’re addicted to the rush of obsessive passion rather than a healthier, more sustainable type of love.”
You’re forgetting yourself
If you’ve closed the cover on your monthly book club and struck out with your softball team because you can’t spend a moment away from your new love, pump the brakes. “This could be a sign that you have lost yourself in an unhealthy way in your relationship. These unhealthy habits lead to dependency in relationships and is not conducive to building long-term love,” says Pawelski. It’s time to check out the 15 signs of a healthy relationship.