Why do I want to reconcile a relationship with this person?
Researchers at the University of Texas conducted a survey of 274 college-aged participants who had experienced an on-again, off-again relationship and found that most people predominantly got back together with an ex because of lingering feelings. Just make sure you aren’t mistaking those “lingering feelings” for loneliness or fears of the single life. “People break up for a reason,” says Joanne Davila, PhD, psychology professor and director of clinical training at Stony Brook University in New York and author of The Thinking Girl’s Guide to the Right Guy. “If [your reason to go back] reflects a sense of low self-worth, lack of confidence, or insecurity, that’s not a good reason to go back to an ex.”
Could I potentially be happy with someone else?
Relationship experts say that people who have dated outside of the relationship are less likely to try to rekindle the relationship. “Keeping our blinders on and not being open to the possibility that there are other people might keep us trapped in this perpetual cycle of being in a relationship, breaking out, and getting back in the relationship,” says Sadie Leder-Elder, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at High Point University in North Carolina. “When we are in love, we don’t think about the other available partners because we are mourning the loss of a relationship.” She urges people to see if there’s anyone else out there that can bring them the same happiness as their past relationship did, but without the negativity. Try these dating tips to attract a new partner.