Get a reality check
Are you indispensable at work? Or not so much? This is a good opportunity to consider the skills you lack and how you could improve them. “Think about what you can learn from the situation,” says Kristie Overstreet, a licensed professional clinical counselor, certified sex therapist and author of Fix Yourself First: 25 Tips to Stop Ruining Your Relationship. What attributes and strengths do the person you’re jealous of have that you can adopt? This process will help you evaluate your current path and lifestyle, giving you an opportunity for self-improvement. Turn the pain and hurt that comes with feeling jealous into a chance to grow.” So, instead of wallowing in self-pity that your friend got promoted and you didn’t, assess the situation. Do you need to participate in meetings more? Maybe you need to be more organized. Put your feelings aside and analyze what happened to help you determine how you can reach the same milestone. Figure out what steps you need to take to reach that same status.
Put your feelings out there
“Being able to express your feelings and ask for what you want and need is an important part of maintaining a happy, healthy and successful relationship,” says Antonia Hall, MA, a psychologist, relationship expert and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. This is true in all of the relationships in our lives.” To help prevent and manage jealousy, talk directly about it. Share your feelings and make clear requests. Tell your boyfriend, “I’m feeling left out that you spend more time with Jessica at work than me. Can we set up a time tonight to hang out?” Requesting specific action can help you feel more secure. And the more connected you are, the less jealous you’ll feel. You may also want to write down your feelings in a journal. It will help you vent your frustrations and you’ll likely feel better after doing so, gaining a clearer perspective on the situation. Find out common behaviors that are subtly sabotaging your relationship.
Avoid excessive demands
Don’t ask your boyfriend to text you constantly from his desk job. Or bug him during his long-awaited guys’ night. If you’re constantly worrying and sending insecure texts or emails, you’ll only look out of control. “You can’t have everything go your way all the time,” says Overstreet. “Don’t become that crazy, needy chick, when all he wants is someone who gets him,” adds Julie Spira, a dating and relationship expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. What you’re doing will only make you look clingy and unattractive, she says. When nothing reassures you, it may be a sign that the relationship isn’t for you. Find out the signs your partner is a keeper.