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Dealing with Relationship Fights: 12 Things to Never Do After a Fight

Relationship fights may seem like the end of the world, but it's completely normal and healthy for couples to disagree. Here's how to make sure your arguments are productive, not destructive.

iStock/Martin Dimitrov

Don't: Be hard on yourself that you fought

Don’t beat yourself up over an argument. All you’re doing is undercutting your self-respect, self-esteem, and self-confidence, says Lloyd. “Of course two people aren’t always going to be on the same page,” says Syrtash. “The important piece is that you each got a little closer to discovering what’s important to each other.” Getting stuck in self-recrimination is unhealthy and unproductive. “Beating yourself up is rarely an effective use of your time,” says Doares. Fighting can be a good thing; it shows that you’re invested and working at the relationship. You care enough to get to the bottom of your issues. “In fact, not fighting at all is a sign, too,” says Feuerman. “Some arguments, if they’re able to be resolved, should actually bring you both closer together.” Find yourself revisiting the most common fight couples have? Here's how to stop fighting about money.


Don't: Use hurtful words to describe your partner

After you’re done disagreeing, don’t resort to name-calling and hurtful words, says Goldstein. He suggests using simple, easy-to-understand sentences or even one word to help your partner understand how you feel. For example, you might say, “When you ignore me when I get home from work, I feel alone in our relationship.” These are the 14 things to never say to your spouse.

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest