Demand you make a major life change
Making comments about the haircut they prefer on you or wishing you’d spend less on comic book memorabilia is one thing, but if your partner is asking you to change major things—your career, your religion, your studies, or other things you consider core parts of your personality—that’s a serious red flag, says Fran Walfish, PhD, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent, and co-star of Sex Box on WE tv. “An important part of being in a successful relationship is to give up trying to control other people, especially your spouse or partner,” she says. Instead of trying to change you, a good partner will support you in your goals. And if they do disagree with something serious? A healthy couple will talk it out, either privately or in therapy until they reach an understanding—one of the 15 signs of a solid relationship.
Give them your phone passcode
Secrets between partners can be a deal breaker in relationships but that doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to your privacy. This is especially true when it comes to things like your phone and your social media accounts. “Asking to go through your phone or demanding your passwords is a major boundary violation,” says Michele Kerulis, PhD, a professor of counseling at Northwestern University. If your partner feels the need to check your phone or email constantly, then the real problem is that they don’t trust you—and that’s the issue that needs to be addressed, not the pattern of your screen swipe, she explains. “Trust is the foundation of a healthy and respectful relationship. If you don’t have trust then you’re probably with the wrong partner,” she adds. Have a hard time setting boundaries? Try these 12 steps to setting healthy boundaries in your relationship.