You don’t share the same values
Roman Kosolapov/shutterstock It’s one of the five life lessons we learn too late—valuing the same things makes for a harmonious life. So make a “must have list,” suggests Gary Brown, PhD. It can include what it takes to achieve success, earn trust, or make a happy family. “You then have to decide if these are your hard limits. In other words, what is not-negotiable,” he says. “Other things are negotiable. I call these ‘soft wants,’ like how you each might want to decorate your home, where to take vacations and what type of cars to drive.”
You’re competing against their technology
VGstockstudio/shutterstock Does your partner spend time looking at a phone during dinner, movie night, a walk in the park—in other words, so often that it feels like you’re alone? If so, says Dr. Brown, they may not really know how to connect with you or anyone else, for that matter. In fact, they may be exhibiting one of the 12 signs that they’re a narcissist. “People who are preoccupied with themselves tend to be narcissists in the extreme. It’s all about them. Any compassion they display is likely more designed to make them look good, rather than making you actually feel good,” he says.