16 Etiquette Rules Brides and Grooms Need to Stop Breaking
There’s a fine line between blushing bride and bridezilla.
Don’t post the engagement on social media before telling friends and family
“The engagement is almost as exciting as the wedding and many couples are eager to let the world know that he popped the question and she said yes,” says wedding blogger Olga Reznikova. “This is very common, but remember to consider those closest to you when sharing the news. Avoid uploading those engagement pics to social media networks until the closest family is called and told the good news. It’s an exciting time, but take a deep breath and enjoy the moment before updating that relationship status.” Make sure you’re also not sharing these things about your wedding on social media as you continue to get closer to the big day.
Keep an easily adjustable budget
“Right off the bat, engaged couples can stay far away from the bridezilla/groomzilla narrative and stereotype by giving themselves a flexible budget,” says Ranu Coleman, CMO of Azazie bridal boutique. “Attempting to stick to an incredibly strict budget doesn’t always work and more than anything, it typically just adds a lot of unnecessary stress. It’s important to do your research.” It’s better to figure out what you can afford as you can get prices and be flexible than be insistent on one price point and make those around you suffer.
Don’t pitch a fit when things don’t go as planned
“Anyone who worked behind the scenes will acknowledge the chaos,” says Jimmy Chan, wedding photographer with Pixielicious. “Brides often get upset when things don’t turn out the way they imagined, such as the weather. We always look at Plan B, but clients need to understand that there are things beyond our control.”
Respect your wedding party
“Demanding your bridal party to either pay or change their schedules is not only bridezilla behavior, but annoying,” says Judith Accilon, planner and blogger at EventSoJudith/Jam Pack Party Rentals. “People have lives and it certainly does not revolve around your wedding.” And if you are on the receiving end of some Bridezilla behavior, here’s how you can stick up for yourself as a bridesmaid.
Keep the wedding planning off social media
“Don’t post pictures and emotions about your big day on social media every day,” says Anna Bessonowa, director of operations at Magic Day Luxury Experiences. “Don’t share your wedding plans with the public; don’t ask the whole world about their opinion. Of course, you may ask for advice, but you can do it without thousands of pictures with your upcoming wedding hashtag.”
Talk about things other than the wedding
“Remember that it’s not all about your upcoming wedding,” Bessonowa says. “Your family, relatives, and friends have their own lives and problems. Don’t leave them alone with these problems talking exceptionally about your wedding excitement. In addition, being part of your wedding party, they deserve some thankful attitude and words from your side.”
Don’t haggle or disrespect the vendors
“To avoid getting a reputation as a bride/groomzilla, my biggest advice is for couples to treat their vendors with respect,” says Kelly Maron Horvath, founder of Indie Wed, the longest-running independent wedding show in the country. “I’ve known couples that have demanded big discounts on services in exchange for the publicity they would give the vendor by sharing images on social media. I’ve also known couples who’ve threatened vendors with poor reviews if they didn’t give them reduced costs simply because they didn’t want to pay the vendor’s rate.” If you have your heart set on a certain vendor, here’s how you can cut costs elsewhere in your wedding budget to afford them.
Give people helping time to eat
“Your wedding vendors (especially coordinators, photographers, and videographers) have likely been working all day, so when it comes to dinnertime, be sure they actually have time to eat,” says Kaitlin Cooper of the San Diego-based Kaitlin Cooper Photography. “As a photographer, there have been numerous occasions where I’m given less than five minutes to eat because the couple insists on walking around to each table during dinner and taking a table photo. Once that’s done, they usually go right into toasts or dances, which photographers need to be present for.”
If you choose to have a child-free wedding, be polite about it
“There is a right and wrong way to approach that, and adding to your invitation ‘NO KIDS’ will make you come off as rude,” Accilon says. She suggests instead more gentle wording like “Unfortunately we cannot accommodate children—thank you for understanding” or “Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception following the ceremony.”
Have a registry of items for guests to purchase
Accilon says couples should include registry information on a separate insert card that comes with the invitation and avoid asking guests to fund their honeymoon or just give them money. On the flip side, here are some outdated wedding rules you really don’t need to follow.