50 Accounting Jokes That Really Add Up
These funny accounting jokes will really do a number on you!
Accounting is something we rarely associate with humor. After all, what’s so funny about complicated tax codes and monotonous bookkeeping? Yet, here we are with some hilarious accountant jokes. Maybe it’s the anxious clients and endless tax codes that provide them with an arsenal of hilarious accounting jokes. Whatever their inspiration is, when tax season is upon us, we could use a few accountant jokes about taxes and the IRS to relieve the anxiety and stress. Speaking of bookkeeping and crunching numbers, keep the good times coming, and share these clever math jokes and math riddles. Maybe they’ll lighten the load and distract your accountant from shoeboxes of receipts and fuzzy math.
1. Q: Which superhero pays no tax?
A: Spiderman, all his income is net.
2. Q: What do the IRS, a mugger, and your kids have in common?
A: They all take your money.
3. Why don’t skunks have to pay taxes?
A: Because they only have one scent.
4. I was told when I bought solar panels for my house, they would be free because of the tax breaks. Does this mean they are on the house?
5. There are three types of tax forms:
Short, long, and surrender.
6. Intaxifcation: The wonderful feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.
7. Golf is a lot like taxes. You drive hard to get to the green and then wind up in the hole.
8. How do dairy farmers do their taxes? The ones with simple taxes use a cowculator, and the ones with complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.
9. April 15th is when the money supply gets out of hand—as in out of your hand and into the governments.
10. Something you’ll never hear on tax day: Taxes are liberating! They free you from the burden of deciding how to spend your own money.
RELATED: 101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember
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11. Q: Why won’t the IRS embrace bitcoin?
A: They don’t trust anything they can’t freeze.
12. An IRS auditor is walking down the street when a mugger stops him.
“Give me your money!” the mugger says. “You can’t do that!” says the IRS auditor.
“Oh,” the mugger comments. “Well, in that case, give me MY money.”
13. Q: Why did the church get indicted by the IRS?
A: For displaying false profits.
14. The IRS is a place that says, “Watch your step” going in, and “Watch your language” going out.
15. Seen on the T-shirt of an IRS tax agent: We’ve got what it takes to take what you got.
16. The IRS has made a major announcement. All Cannabis dealers must file a joint tax return.
17. I received a letter from the IRS telling me I committed tax fraud. They must have the wrong address because I have never paid taxes in my life.
18. Q: What did the IRS say to the cat about his litter box deduction?
A: I’m sorry, but you can’t claim your litter box as a deduction just because you do your business there.
19. Q: What do a pelican, a vulture, and the IRS have in common? They all have big bills.
20. Did you ever notice when you put the words “the” and “IRS” together, it spells “theirs?!”
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21. Q: Why did the IRS audit the chiropractor?
A: He owed back taxes.
22. Q: Why did Sherlock Holmes got audited by the IRS?
A: He had too many deductions.
23. Q: What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
A: An auditor.
24. After I spoke with the tax auditor, I slept like a baby. I woke up every hour and cried.
25. Nothing has done more to stimulate the art of creative writing than the itemized deduction section of t income tax forms.
26. At no time is it easier to keep your mouth shut than during an audit of your income tax return.
27. Income tax is Uncle Sam’s version of “Truth or Consequences.”
28. Q: Where is the place to negotiate with the IRS?
A: At the tax table.
29. Nothing makes a person more humble about their income than to fill out a tax form.
30. Q: Where do actors that don’t pay taxes perform?
A: In the audit-orium.
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31. Q: What’s the difference between “counting” and “accounting”?
A: Counting is one, two, three, four, five…etc.
Accounting is “ah-one,” “ah-two,” “ah-three,” “ah-four,” and “oh no!”
32. My local tax firm is a great place to work. Everybody counts.
33. Q: What do Accountants suffer from that normal people don’t?
34. A parent gave her kid some sound advice before going to accounting school: Study hard so you can be audit you can be.
35. The income tax forms have been simplified beyond all understanding. Take the 1040EZ, for example. It’s the official IRS form to demonstrate how alone, broke, and boring you are.
36. Ever wonder why they call it a Form 1040? For every $50 you earn, you get $10, and the IRS gets $40.
37. A successful tennis player has a lot of net income.
38. Seen on a sign in the accounting firm: Its accrual world out there
39. The idea of simpler tax reform always leaves me feeling flat.
40. Accounting is an accrual profession, where everyone works their assets off, and everybody counts.
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41. The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
42. Have you heard about the new dating app for CPAs? It’s called Let’s Get Fiscal.
43. My friend just became a full-time accountant. From now on, his days are numbered!
44. You know when a tax accountant has been overworked when you ask what time it is, they answer, “It’s 10:99.”
45. Did you hear about the CPA who became a chef? It wasn’t long before he was cooking the books!
46. Q: How did the CPA break her leg?
A: She lost her balance.
47. Q: What’s the difference between a CPA and a Lawyer?
A: The CPA knows he’s boring.
48. The official job description of a CPA: Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand.
49. Q: What do you get when you cross a tax accountant and a jet airplane?
A: Boring 747
50. Q: Why did CPAs finally call off their on-again, off-again romance?
A: They couldn’t reconcile their differences.