This may not seem like the best time for a cleaning project, but banishing clutter may be just what you need to cope with big emotions and finally move forward
Big life changes have a way of leaving their mark, not just on our hearts but also on our homes. After a divorce, the loss of a loved one, a big move or even a child leaving for college, you may suddenly find yourself surrounded by objects that feel emotionally charged: the sweater that still smells like your spouse, a cherished card from a relationship that ended or the boxes you never unpacked after a move. Even ordinary things—coffee mugs, photos, furniture—can suddenly feel loaded with memories.
In moments like these, decluttering can feel overwhelming—or even painful. But experts say it can also be an important step toward moving forward. That’s what makes decluttering after a major life change so different from a normal cleanout. It’s not just about organizing your closets. It’s about figuring out what still belongs in your life now and what really needs to go.
I spoke with experts who study why people have such a hard time letting go of possessions, a psychologist who treats those dealing with loss and a professional organizer who works with clients sorting through their homes during both emotionally and physically labor-intensive moments. Together, their advice points to the same idea: When life changes, adjusting the physical space around you can help your emotions catch up. Here’s how to make the process a little easier.
Get Reader’s Digest’s Read Up newsletter for more cleaning, humor, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.
Life is a mess, so why bother cleaning?
Decluttering after a major life event may seem overwhelming, but making small physical changes is key to coping with the bigger emotional shifts.
It can reset your brain
“Our nervous systems respond deeply to our surroundings,” says psychologist Jody Carrington, PhD, a mental health and human connection expert and the bestselling author of Feeling Seen: Reconnecting in a Disconnected World. “When a big life event hits—death, divorce, a move, the kids leaving home or any major transition—it can feel like your entire nervous system has been shaken. The world you knew yesterday no longer exists in quite the same way today. And often, the physical space around you still reflects that old life.”
That mismatch can make it harder to adjust emotionally. But rearranging furniture, removing items tied to painful memories or simply creating a space that feels calmer and more intentional signals your brain that a new chapter has begun. “That environmental shift can bring a surprising sense of relief.”
It’s an important form of self-care
“We tend to think of self-care as bubble baths, eating kale and vacations,” explains Carrington. “But real self-care is anything that helps regulate your nervous system and reconnect you to a sense of control.”
Major life changes often come with feelings of helplessness. Deciding what stays and what goes in your home can restore a sense of direction and agency.
It’s a helpful distraction
“One of the hardest parts of big emotional experiences is feeling overwhelmed by them,” Carrington says. “Sorting through belongings gives your brain something concrete to focus on. It engages your hands and your attention in a way that can regulate intense emotions.”
That doesn’t replace grieving or processing feelings—humans are wired to heal through action, connection and meaning. “Sometimes folding clothes, sorting photos or packing boxes becomes a quiet way to sit beside your emotions rather than run from them.”
It can help you move forward
Therapist Melissa Legere, LMFT, the co-founder and clinical director of California Behavioral Health, says the emotional weight of objects is often what makes decluttering difficult—but also what makes it meaningful. “Decluttering after a life transition is about slowly making room for a new chapter of life,” she explains.
How do you even motivate yourself to begin?
“When you’re overwhelmed, your brain wants to avoid the task altogether,” Carrington says. “So the goal isn’t to tackle everything at once.” The key is shifting your mindset: This isn’t something you have to rush through or get perfect. In fact, experts say the most important thing to remember is that healing—and decluttering—doesn’t follow a schedule.
“Decluttering after a major life event is not a race,” Carrington says. “It’s a way of gently acknowledging that your life has changed and that you deserve an environment that supports where you’re going next.”
That perspective can take a lot of pressure off the process. Instead of seeing decluttering as one big task you have to finish, it becomes something you can approach slowly and compassionately. “Give yourself grace. Take breaks. And remember that every small decision to keep something meaningful, to let something go or simply to try again tomorrow is part of moving forward,” she adds.
Healing rarely happens all at once. More often, it unfolds quietly, through small moments like a calm afternoon spent sorting through belongings, a small pile of things you’ve chosen to release and the realization that you’re still here, still growing, still rebuilding and writing the next chapter of your story.
How can you make this as painless as possible?
Decluttering during a major life transition requires both emotional awareness and practical strategies. Here’s what the experts recommend:
Start small
Professional organizer Marisol Rivera of Sparkly Maid Austin says trying to declutter an entire home at once is one of the biggest mistakes people make.
“No matter the reason—whether it is death, divorce, a cross-country move, downsizing or an empty nest—my universal advice is the same: Do not try to tackle the entire home at once,” she says. “One room, one closet or even one drawer per session keeps the process manageable and prevents the burnout that causes people to quit halfway through.”
Go slow
Carrington advises setting a timer for 15 minutes and giving yourself permission to stop when the timer ends.
Tackle the least emotional items first
“I tell my clients to start with areas and items that carry the least emotional weight, like the medicine cabinet, the junk drawer, expired pantry items,” says Rivera. This builds decision-making stamina without immediately overwhelming you with sentimental objects. By the time you get to the harder things, like clothing, photographs or jewelry, you have already proven to yourself that you can do this.
Create a “transition box”
Legere cautions against rushing the emotional side of the process. “People should permit themselves to keep certain meaningful items without feeling pressured to ‘be strong’ or move on quickly,” she says.
For items that are too difficult to get rid of right away, experts agree you should put them in a labeled box, store the box out of sight and revisit it in three to six months. Giving yourself some distance from sentimental items can make the decision easier. After some time, you may have a better idea of which belongings you’re ready to let go of and which ones still feel meaningful.
Use simple sorting categories
For items you are ready to let go of, sort into four categories: discard, donate, keep for yourself or pass along to family or friends, advises Rivera. Having a framework takes the open-endedness out of the process.
Try a mental trick
New research from the University of Iowa’s Tippie College of Business suggests a helpful psychological strategy: Think about belongings in categories rather than as unique items. Instead of focusing on a specific memory or feature, like “this is the dress I wore to my cousin’s wedding,” think of the item as part of a category, like “this is just one of several dresses I own.”
Research shows that this mental shift can make belongings feel less irreplaceable—and easier to part with. “The strategy is to mentally ‘zoom out,’” says Jing “Alice” Wang, PhD, a professor of marketing at the university and a co-author of the study. “It reduces the sense that each object is one of a kind.”
Keep meaningful items—but be selective
It’s worth hanging on to items that carry memories or emotional ties. Just don’t go overboard. “You don’t need to keep all the pictures your child drew in elementary school,” says Catherine Cole, PhD, a professor of marketing at the University of Iowa’s Tippie College of Business and a co-author of the study with Wang. “Instead, lay them all out on the bed and select one that you like the best.”
Take a photo before letting something go
Some belongings help preserve memories, identity and continuity. So you may want to hang on to those meaningful items. That can be both healthy and valuable, says Wang.
“The challenge is that when too many possessions are treated as irreplaceable, they can begin to create clutter and make it harder for people to live comfortably in the present,” she explains. “Taking a picture of the item often makes it easier to let go of it.” Plus, it takes up zero space in your home.
Imagine someone else using it
Another way to ease the emotional hurdle is to think about where the item might go next, says Cole. “It’s easier to let go of something if you think that the recipient will use it in the way that it is supposed to be used.”
About the experts
|
Why trust us
At Reader’s Digest, we’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Jody Carrington, PhD, founder and principal psychologist at Carrington & Co., host of the Unlonely podcast and author of books such as Feeling Seen: Reconnecting in a Disconnected World; interviewed, March 2026
- Melissa Legere, LMFT, co-founder, chief operating officer and clinical director of California Behavioral Health; interviewed, March 2026
- Marisol Rivera, cleaning expert and professional organizer at Sparkly Maid Austin; interviewed, March 2026
- Jing “Alice” Wang, PhD, professor of marketing and Henry B. Tippie Research Fellow in the Tippie College of Business at the University of Iowa; interviewed, March 2026
- Catherine Cole, PhD, professor emeritus of marketing at the University of Iowa Tippie College of Business; interviewed, March 2026
- Psychology & Marketing: “Seeing the Closet or the Clothes: How Thinking Abstractly Versus Concretely Shapes Disposition Decisions”
