More Hilarious Stereotype Jokes
3 Blondes and a Blind Man The blind man walks into a bar and says, “Wanna hear a blond joke?”
3 Blondes and a Blind Man
The blind man walks into a bar and says, “Wanna hear a blond joke?”
The bartender tells him, “Well, I’m blond and I won’t appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and is also blond. The man behind you is 285 pounds, and he’s blond too. Do you still want to tell that joke?”
“No way,” says the blind man. “Not if I have to explain it three times.”
Give Her Another Chance!
At a convention of blondes, a speaker insisted that the “dumb blonde” myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked one cute young volunteer, “How much is 101 plus 20?”
The blonde answered, “120.”
“No,” he said, “that’s not right.”
The audience called out, “Give her another chance.”
So the speaker asked the blonde, “How much is 10 plus 13?”
Slowly the blonde replied, “16.”
“Sorry,” he said, shaking his head.
Once again, the crowd roared, “Give her another chance.”
“This is your last try,” warned the speaker. “How much is 2 plus 2?”
Carefully she ventured, “Four?”
And the crowd yelled, “Give her another chance!”
— James T. Dorsey
Drink’s on Me — Positive!
So this neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How much will that be?” the neutron asks.
“For you,” replies the bartender, “no charge.”
Jumpstart… on the Rocks So a guy walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables hanging around his neck. The bartender gives him a look and says gruffly, “All right, pal. I’ll let you stay, but don’t start anything.”
— Scott HoffmanDivine Intervention
A motorist was driving in the country when he came upon a priest and a rabbi standing on the shoulder of the road, fishing. Next to them was a sign that read “Turn Around. The End Is Near.”
The motorist didn’t like to be preached to, so he rolled down the window and yelled, “Mind your own business, you religious nuts!”
A few seconds later the two fishermen heard tires screech, then a splash.
The rabbi turned to the priest and said, “I told you we should’ve just written, ‘Bridge Out.’ ”
— Christi Riggs
A man goes to church one Sunday and hears a sermon about the Ten Commandments. He has an epiphany and goes to confession. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” he begins.
“Go ahead, son,” the priest says.
“Well, I lost my hat and I came to church to steal one. But then I heard your sermon and I changed my mind.”
“That’s great,” the priest replies. ” ‘Thou shalt not steal’ is a powerful commandment.”
“True,” the man says. “But it was when you said ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ that I remembered where my hat was.”
One day, the president of the company came upon a young man who was expertly counting out a large wad of the firm’s cash. The boss asked, “Where did you get your financial training, young man?”
“Yale,” the young man answered proudly.
“Ah, a fellow Ivy Leaguer! What’s your name?”
— Adam Joshua SmargonCostly Query
“How much do you charge?” a man asked a lawyer.
“I get $50 for three questions,” the lawyer answers.
“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?” says the man.
“Yes, it is,” replies the lawyer. “Now, is that your final question?”
Here’s a Tip…
Two lawyers who were running against each other for a judgeship had just finished lunch. “I’m going to win this election,” said the first lawyer to his opponent, “because I put in the personal touch. Like here at this restaurant, for example; I left the waiter a five-dollar tip so he’ll vote for me.”
“Oh really?” said the second lawyer. “Well, I left him a nickel and told him I’m your campaign manager.”
Q: Who invented copper wire?
A: Two tax attorneys fighting over a penny.
— Earle Hitchner
Sure as Hell
In the hospitality suite at a bar association convention, a young lawyer meets the devil. The devil says, “Listen, if you give me your soul and the souls of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”
After mulling this over, the lawyer says, “What’s the catch?” Playing God
A doctor died and went to heaven, where he found a long line at St. Peter’s gate. As was his custom, the doctor rushed to the front, but St. Peter told him to wait in line like everyone else. Muttering and looking at his watch, the doctor stood at the end of the line.
Moments later a white-haired man wearing a white coat and carrying a stethoscope and medical bag rushed up to the front of the line, waved to St. Peter, and was immediately admitted through the Pearly Gates.
“Hey!” the doctor shouted. “How come you let him through?”
“Oh,” said St. Peter, “that’s God. Sometimes he likes to play doctor.”
— Patricia Thomas
Did you hear the one about the doctor who went on a ski trip and got lost on the slopes? He stamped out “Help” in the snow but nobody could read his writing.
— Harold Zuber
The Honest Hopeful
Late one night the political candidate came home and gave his wife the glorious news: “Darling, I’ve been elected!”
“Honestly?” she replied.
“Hey,” the politician said, frowning, “why bring that up?”