50 Funny Parent Tweets That Perfectly Nail the Highs and Lows of Parenting
Even the best parents need somewhere to vent about their little angels.
We all know that up until the age of seven or so (or eight, or nine, or 20) kids are basically irrational, madcap hooligans. What’s a stressed-out 21st-century parent to do? Commiserate with fellow parents by posting funny parent tweets on Twitter, of course! Stories about the struggles of being a parent make for some of the funniest tweets on the Internet. Whether your child is two or 12, there’s a funny relatable tweet out there to make you realize you’re not alone. Or, if you’re not in the kid-having camp, a selection of funny relationship tweets will make both single and coupled-up people laugh in recognition. If you want parenting advice, Twitter is probably not the place to come. Children may be a joy to the world, and even to their parents (some of the time) but their little brains work in mysterious ways. Take a dive into the world of funny parent tweets, safe in the knowledge that your kids would never behave like this. Would they?
Funny child actions = funny parent tweets
— Families Matter (@familiesmatter) April 26, 2021
It took my toddler so long to pick a spoon for dinner, she forgot what she was doing, I forgot what I was doing, and we just stood there staring at each other until she left.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 26, 2019
My 6yo’s assignment was to draw a challenge she thinks she can overcome. So she drew herself teaching me how to use the tv remote. pic.twitter.com/8JcB2K0e7j
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) February 19, 2017
Pro parenting tip: only have spaghetti on bath nights 🍝😂 pic.twitter.com/ATNO2Q5C4N
— Kaylé Sanderson (@special_kayle) April 26, 2021
7s class just had a very lively debate on the topic, “Is cereal a soup?” and I gotta say THIS is the 2nd grade content I lurk for.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 25, 2021
RELATED: Funniest People to Follow on Twitter
When a kid asks a sibling to play a game of tag, they’re basically asking if their sibling wants to take a jog that ends in a fight.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 9, 2017
Beware a child who has learned a joke or a magic trick.
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) March 14, 2017
2 am hospital trips. That’s the Parenting life😩 pic.twitter.com/J0Nv6HJ279
— RavensFlock20 (@Bran_B20) April 26, 2021
My daughter’s s new favorite game is called “walk around the table together”. It’s about as exciting as you’re imagining
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 25, 2021
For having a 50% chance, my youngest kid gets her shoes on the wrong feet 100% of the time.
— Anthony Congi (@AnthonyCongi) April 25, 2021
my kid’s doctor kit includes a stethoscope, an otoscope, a syringe, and like 9 dolphins
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 24, 2021
I want support my children and encourage them to follow their dreams, but right now my 3yo’s dream seems to be to open every cupboard door in IKEA
— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) March 25, 2021
You think you’re going to have a pretty normal day and then your 5-year-old announces she only walks backwards now.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 20, 2019
I think my 5 yo might be the second little pig because he has collected a whole house of sticks on the front porch.
— Daisy (@Daisyldoo) April 25, 2021
Kids say the strangest things (that make funny parent tweets)
My 8yo daughter is on a Yosemite Sam kick.
This morning, she saw me off by saying, “Have a good day, you no-good bushwhackin’ varmint!”
— Hunter the Bounty Dog (@huntergraybeal) January 7, 2021
3: Nana Joan, can you please buy me Christmas slippers for my birthday?
Narrator: her birthday is in June.
— Lyfe of Dad 🇳🇿 (@lyfeofdad) April 25, 2021
Have kids so you too can receive thought-provoking questions such as, “If Goofy & Pluto are both dogs then why does only Goofy talk??”
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 24, 2021
Being a parent is just basically walking around the house saying, “Clean up this mess!” until everyone is crying.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 5, 2017
Me: [in bathroom]
7yo: [knocks] MOMMY?
Me: Yeah pal
7: IT’S ME
Me: I know
7: YOUR SON
Me: Knew that too
— Val (@ValeeGrrl) June 19, 2016
Me: What should you do if you see smoke?
6-year-old: Ask what you’re cooking.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2019
6yo: “When my play date gets here you and her mom can just go do ‘Mom Things’ like drink wine and talk about Girl Scout cookies, ok?”
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) March 4, 2017
RELATED: Funniest Best Friend Tweets
My son was crying and asked, “why doesn’t the dog have to wear pants?” And it’s like, I don’t even know. So now I’m putting pants on a dog.
— ally (@TragicAllyHere) September 30, 2016
“Oh my god, why are you so obsessed with clothes?!”
– My 6yo, when I asked him to hurry up and get dressed for school
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 13, 2017
My 4 year old handed me his toy car with flashing lights and “realistic” engine noises and asked me to turn it off because it made his head hurt so can I retire from parenting now or what
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 26, 2021
Parenting is hard, but at least the funny tweets from parents are good
Being a parent apparently means buying stuff in bulk.
— Hari Kondabolu (@harikondabolu) April 21, 2021
USAA just emailed that we get back 5% of our car insurance premium. I looked at the number and thought “wow, that’s a lot of money”
— 🟣Jessica Gottlieb (@JessicaGottlieb) April 26, 2021
As long as you sing to the tune of “You Are my Sunshine,” you can literally say anything you want to a baby. I just vented all my frustrations and she still fell asleep. Best therapy ever.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) April 23, 2019
I am officially announcing my retirement from parenting, I’m tired of having the tough conversations. Unfortunately my retirement will end about 7am tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/1sOePN02u5
— MTTGStreetTeam (@mttgstreetteam) April 26, 2021
No one laughs or even smiles when I sing “Lord I was born a scramblin’ man” every time I make eggs but that’s the dad life, baby.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 21, 2021
Why is it called bribing your child and not kid pro quo?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 22, 2019
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
— colonel rob fee (@robfee) March 3, 2015
My kids just ate a second breakfast, so I guess I’m raising hobbits
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 22, 2021
When your kid hates celery and finds out it’s in their favourite tomato ketchup you’ve just gotta hold their hand and ride that rollercoaster with them
— Yasmin (@thisbrokeme) April 25, 2021
My 2-year-old stood still and cooperated when I brushed her hair
I chased her through the house like Jason in a slasher flick
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 13, 2017
Me: Like, I couldn’t be more exhausted.
Parenthood: Hang on a day or so there. You can be. *Winks*
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 8, 2017
— Lan Liu (@MissLanLiu) April 25, 2021
Me: Go clean your room.
Translation: Go away for a few minutes. We both know you’re not going to really clean anything in there.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 9, 2017
My eldest daughter is gifted. Next Christmas she’ll be getting regifted.
— Has-bean dad joker (@AllanForsyth) July 16, 2020
My son got his license and I’m terrified, but totally ok if he wants to drive to McDonald’s and get me a McFlurry.
— Stacey (@skittle624) February 24, 2021
RELATED: Knock Knock Jokes for Kids
I never realized how much of parenthood would involve competing with the dog for my kids’ leftover fries.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 11, 2017
“do not taste the dog” and other things I never expected to say: a parenting memoir
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 24, 2021
ABC’s. 123’s. Animals. Colors. Great. Super.
We need more children’s books about weekends and sleeping in. You know, for the kids.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 25, 2021
Tag a friend who can relate 😜#mumlife #parenting #aberdeen #aberdeenshire #cleaning #cleaningservices #cleanhomehappyhome #cleaningmotivation #aberdeencleaning #aberdeencleaningcompany pic.twitter.com/aENk5cG1VQ
— Emerald Eco-Solutions 🌱🧼 (@emeraldaberdeen) April 26, 2021
RELATED: Puns for Kids
— TheSchoolRun Parent (@The_School_Run) April 26, 2021
You know what takes longer than a kid telling a story?
— 🌟 (@Pipsta_1) April 5, 2021
My kid’s soccer roster looks less like a group of 8 year olds and more like a band of dwarves in Lord of the Rings.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 24, 2019
Alit of parenting is saying good bye to fish isn’t it?
— Lorraine Candy (@lorrainecandy) April 27, 2021
You can’t tell me there’s no benefits to having kids. pic.twitter.com/XsVU1XtfXI
— Houston SubGirl (@SubHouston) April 26, 2021
One of the joys of parenting is being scared by a low-battery toy screaming in middle of the night like no horror film ever will.
— Dov 4.2 (@drnelk) April 22, 2021