25 Ways to Make Your Vocabulary Funnier

Cut the malarkey. A few seconds with these words, and you'll be the funniest slangwhanger in all the land.


1. Don’t say Run away

Say Absquatulate

Ex.: We camped in line for the new iPhone all night, but finally absquatulated when the wolves came out.

2. Don’t say Brag

Say Bloviate

Ex.: “I’ve made a tremendous amount of money,” the candidate bloviated to the nation. “Billions and billions of dollars.”

3. Don’t call your friend Clumsy

Call him a Blunderbuss

Ex.:“Be careful where you point that musket, you blunderbuss!”

4. Don’t say Umbrella

Say Bumbershoot

Ex.: “You can stand under my bumbershoot,” Rihanna offered as the storm began. “Eh, eh, eh/ Under my bumbershoot.”

funny-words-cantankerous-definitionLibrary of Congress/ Detroit Publishing Co.

5. Don’t say Cranky

Say Cantankerous

Ex.: The cantankerous old man scowled at his waitress. “This water’s too wet,” he croaked.

6. Don’t Say Nonsense

Say Codswallop

Ex.: I try to watch cable news, but everything they say is a load of codswallop.

(Also try: Flapdoodle)

7. Don’t say Queasiness

Say Collywobbles

Ex.: No matter how much I practice beforehand, public speaking on roller coasters always gives me collywobbles!

8. Don’t say Disheveled

Say Discombobulated

Ex.: “For some reason,” thought the Tin Man, “passing though airport security always leaves me discombobulated.”

funny-words-flummoxed-definitionLibrary of Congress/ Frances Benjamin Johnston

9. Don’t say Brawl

Say Donnybrook

Ex.: When the Sharks and the Jets accidentally booked the same dance studio, it was an all-out donnybrook.

(Also try: Argle-Bargle)

10. Don’t say Face paint

Say Fard

Ex., as a noun: Pass the fard, Claudette—I’m due onstage any minute!

Ex., as a verb: It looks like someone farded all over that clown’s face.

11. Don’t call your friend Silly

Call her a Flibbertigibbet

Ex.: The nuns agreed that sister Maria—late for another mass while off twirling in the Alps—was a true flibbertigibbet.

12. Don’t say Confused

Say Flummoxed

Ex.: Kanye West was plum flummoxed when Beyoncé failed to win Best Female Video in 2009.

13. Don’t say Ogle

Say Gongoozle

Ex.: Whenever Camilla the chicken passed Gonzo’s door, she felt sure she was being gonzoogled.

funny-words-hobbledehoy-definitionLibrary of Congress/ Littleton View Co.

14. Don’t call a teenage boy Awkward

Call him a Hobbledehoy

Ex.: As a young hobbledehoy, I failed to get a date until my wedding day.

15. Don’t say Prison

Say Hoosegow

Ex.: They oughta throw you in the hoosegow, because that outfit is a crime against fashion.

16. Don’t say Commotion

Say Hurlyburly

Ex.: Fed up with the hurlyburly of city life, The Coens found a nice quiet timeshare on Mars.

(Also try: Brouhaha)

17. Don’t say Fuss

Say Kerfuffle

Ex.: There was a great kerfuffle about who should get the diner’s last piece of pie, until we learned it was minced meat.

funny-words-mollycoddle-definitionLibrary of Congress/ Harry Whittier Frees

18. Don’t say Pamper

Say Mollycoddle

Ex.: “I do not mollycoddle my children,” said Molly, tying her 23-year-old son’s shoes.

19. Don’t say Sissy

Say Namby-pamby

Ex.: “Don’t be a namby-pamby, boy. Pick up that chainsaw and cut your father’s hair.”

20. Don’t say Dishonesty

Say Skullduggery

Ex.: “I’m not voting for anyone,” the millennial oozed. “Politics these days are nothing but skullduggery.”

21. Don’t call someone Profane

Call him a Slangwhanger

Ex.: “I enjoy Lil’ Wayne’s music,” Grandma admitted, “but does he have to be such a slangwhanger?”

22. Don’t call someone a Pessimist

Call him a Smellfungus

Ex.: I hate going to the beach with Al Gore; on every sunny day he’s such a smellfungus!

funny-words-namby-pamby-definitionLibrary of Congress/ Rotograph Co. NY

23. Don’t say Counterclockwise

Say Widdershins

Ex.: It is a vicious myth that toilet water rotates clockwise in Australia and widdershins in America.

24. Don’t call it an Exit

Call it a Vomitory

Ex.: After eating too much buttered popcorn at the circus, dad promptly sprinted to the vomitory.

25. Don’t say Exhausted

Say Wabbit

Ex.: After a long day of hunting, Elmer Fudd was absolutely wabbit.

**Know a funny word that makes us look like troglodytes? Share it with us in the comments below.

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest