25 Ways to Make Your Vocabulary Funnier
Cut the malarkey. A few seconds with these words, and you'll be the funniest slangwhanger in all the land.
1. Don’t say Run away
Ex.: We camped in line for the new iPhone all night, but finally absquatulated when the wolves came out.
2. Don’t say Brag
Ex.: “I’ve made a tremendous amount of money,” the candidate bloviated to the nation. “Billions and billions of dollars.”
3. Don’t call your friend Clumsy
Call him a Blunderbuss
Ex.:“Be careful where you point that musket, you blunderbuss!”
4. Don’t say Umbrella
Ex.: “You can stand under my bumbershoot,” Rihanna offered as the storm began. “Eh, eh, eh/ Under my bumbershoot.”
5. Don’t say Cranky
Ex.: The cantankerous old man scowled at his waitress. “This water’s too wet,” he croaked.
6. Don’t Say Nonsense
Ex.: I try to watch cable news, but everything they say is a load of codswallop.
(Also try: Flapdoodle)
7. Don’t say Queasiness
Ex.: No matter how much I practice beforehand, public speaking on roller coasters always gives me collywobbles!
8. Don’t say Disheveled
Ex.: “For some reason,” thought the Tin Man, “passing though airport security always leaves me discombobulated.”
9. Don’t say Brawl
Ex.: When the Sharks and the Jets accidentally booked the same dance studio, it was an all-out donnybrook.
(Also try: Argle-Bargle)
10. Don’t say Face paint
Ex., as a noun: Pass the fard, Claudette—I’m due onstage any minute!
Ex., as a verb: It looks like someone farded all over that clown’s face.
11. Don’t call your friend Silly
Call her a Flibbertigibbet
Ex.: The nuns agreed that sister Maria—late for another mass while off twirling in the Alps—was a true flibbertigibbet.
12. Don’t say Confused
Ex.: Kanye West was plum flummoxed when Beyoncé failed to win Best Female Video in 2009.
13. Don’t say Ogle
Ex.: Whenever Camilla the chicken passed Gonzo’s door, she felt sure she was being gonzoogled.
14. Don’t call a teenage boy Awkward
Call him a Hobbledehoy
Ex.: As a young hobbledehoy, I failed to get a date until my wedding day.
15. Don’t say Prison
Ex.: They oughta throw you in the hoosegow, because that outfit is a crime against fashion.
16. Don’t say Commotion
Ex.: Fed up with the hurlyburly of city life, The Coens found a nice quiet timeshare on Mars.
(Also try: Brouhaha)
17. Don’t say Fuss
Ex.: There was a great kerfuffle about who should get the diner’s last piece of pie, until we learned it was minced meat.
18. Don’t say Pamper
Ex.: “I do not mollycoddle my children,” said Molly, tying her 23-year-old son’s shoes.
19. Don’t say Sissy
Ex.: “Don’t be a namby-pamby, boy. Pick up that chainsaw and cut your father’s hair.”
20. Don’t say Dishonesty
Ex.: “I’m not voting for anyone,” the millennial oozed. “Politics these days are nothing but skullduggery.”
21. Don’t call someone Profane
Call him a Slangwhanger
Ex.: “I enjoy Lil’ Wayne’s music,” Grandma admitted, “but does he have to be such a slangwhanger?”
22. Don’t call someone a Pessimist
Call him a Smellfungus
Ex.: I hate going to the beach with Al Gore; on every sunny day he’s such a smellfungus!
23. Don’t say Counterclockwise
Ex.: It is a vicious myth that toilet water rotates clockwise in Australia and widdershins in America.
24. Don’t call it an Exit
Call it a Vomitory
Ex.: After eating too much buttered popcorn at the circus, dad promptly sprinted to the vomitory.
25. Don’t say Exhausted
Ex.: After a long day of hunting, Elmer Fudd was absolutely wabbit.
**Know a funny word that makes us look like troglodytes? Share it with us in the comments below.