This holiday season, give yourself the gift of space with these alone-time ideas
You love getting together with your whole family for the holidays. But then you’re there, and it suddenly feels like a lot. How can you love these people to death, yet long to slip away for five minutes of peace?
Both things can be true. “It’s not only normal to need alone time during gatherings, but it’s incredibly healthy,” says Krystal Mazzola Wood, a marriage and family therapist in Phoenix and the author of Setting Boundaries: 100 Ways to Protect Yourself, Strengthen Your Relationships, and Build the Life You Want … Starting Now. Whether you’re running to the wine store or slipping out for an after-dinner walk, “taking alone time is honestly one of the best relationship-protection skills that we can practice.”
But this time of year, that is easier said than done. By late November, we’re around family and friends almost non-stop all the way through New Year’s. And that leaves many of us longing for a break from socializing—at least that’s what a 2024 survey from The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found. According to researchers, 56% of people say it’s very important for their mental health to have adequate alone time—yet 46% say they don’t get the alone time they need during the holidays.
“Research shows regular time alone can make you happier and healthier, and even help improve your social connections,” says Amy Morin, a psychotherapist in Marathon, Florida, and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Grabbing a breather when you’re around family doesn’t just feel good—it regulates your nervous system. That’s not only fundamental to self-care, but it’s key to keeping the family peace.
Ahead, learn concrete tips and strategies from Wood and Morin to help you get through the end-of-year gathering gauntlet. We know you’ll find something helpful, so keep reading.
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Isn’t it rude to slip off at a family gathering?
Nope—getting alone time is the opposite of rude. “We all revert to being adolescents when we get around our family,” Wood says, with a laugh. “By taking those breaks, you’re making sure that you don’t say something you later regret, by being snappy or saying something passive-aggressive.”
This small act of self-care helps you reset and get into a frame of mind where you can truly connect, and how could that be bad holiday etiquette? If you’re struggling with this, it might help to remind yourself in the moment: I’m slipping off for the greater good. While you’re at it, try to sideline the guilt. You’re not “stealing” time for yourself, you’re taking a mindful “me” moment, Wood says.
Any golden rules for doing it nicely?
Absolutely. To get some alone time in the most considerate way possible, “don’t leave when other people might feel the urge to wait for you, such as when dinner is just being served or you’re about to start a game—if you can help it,” Morin says. Besides, you’ll feel way more comfortable scooting off if you know you won’t return to a room full of people waiting on you to toast champagne or dig into their prime rib.
What are easy ways to sneak off alone at a holiday gathering?
If there are 50 ways to leave your lover, there are at least 500 ways to leave your loved ones … for five minutes at an overwhelming holiday thing. How you slip off will depend on the type of gathering (smallish dinner? huge family party?) and your own style. “You need to do whatever works for you to take those moments,” Wood says. “You know your family best, and your needs best, and so find the strategy that will cause the least friction.”
Here are 10 simple ways to break free—without causing any drama.
Forget an ingredient
This is my husband’s go-to trick for giving himself me time at our extended family parties. He’ll deliberately “forget” one weird item he needs for the salad or side dish he made, so he has an excuse to run to the grocery store and joyfully walk the aisles listening to ’80s tunes. (While he’s at it, he finds time to swing by Starbucks for more rocket fuel—men!).
Just make sure the thing you’re missing is something exotic, like dried cherries or Castelvetrano olives, and not more pedestrian, like cucumbers—which your parents or sister will surely produce, ruining your escape plan.
Get pinged by the office
You can always excuse yourself to slip outside for an important call—even if you don’t actually have a call, Morin says. Do the universal sign of holding up one finger, pointing at your phone and stepping out the door. “Just a few minutes of solitude might be enough to help you feel rejuvenated,” she adds.
Play fetch with the dog
If you want to stretch your legs and zone out for a beat, offer to walk or play with your parents’ dog or other resident pooch. “Just say, ‘ I’m gonna go play fetch’ and take yourself outside,” Wood advises. It’s a win-win because you’re engaged with Mr. Fluffy—so you’re not being anti-social—and you’re scoring the zone-out moment you need.
Bonus: Playing with a pet can regulate your nervous system, Wood adds. Yes, quality time with the cat works too (just don’t try to walk her).
Do a breakout session
Some of us are just more comfortable in smaller groups than large, absurdly loud ones. If that’s you, or you have temporary sensory overload, grab your sister or another relative you click with and find an excuse to show them something in another room, Morin suggests.
“A quick conversation away from the group can help you feel refreshed,” she says. My friend Carolyn has her own genius twist on this: She finds solitude in the room where the guys are clustered around a TV. “They like that I’m not talking and just quietly reading an interesting article on my phone,” she says.
Take a powder (room)
Wood tells her clients, “Literally, just go to the bathroom. You have the right to 10 or 15 minutes of alone time, and what you’re doing in the bathroom isn’t necessary to broadcast.” If at all possible, pick one that isn’t right off the kitchen so other guests aren’t banging on the door while you’re saying om.
Hitting the loo is also a favorite strategy of Morin, especially if you keep headphones in your purse. “If you have AirPods, a bathroom break with some music can help you drown out the background noise for a few minutes,” she says. “Take some deep breaths and give yourself a little pep talk before you emerge to rejoin the group.”
Play the cautious card
“If you need an excuse to step outside, look for safety reasons,” Morin suggests. “Excuse yourself to make sure there’s no ice in the driveway or to see if your car door is locked.” Breathe in for three seconds, then out for five, to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which will shut off those anxious, wiggy feelings.
Lean into being disorganized
If you’re staying with relatives, retreat to your guest room whenever you need to take five, Morin advises. Use last-minute holiday prep as your excuse. Just say you have to finish wrapping gifts, organize the stocking stuffers, pull out the board games you packed … you get the idea.
Give yourself a chore
If you want a few minutes of utter solitude, raise your hand for pan-scrubbing duty like my friend Ellen: “I volunteer to do the dishes. Because sometimes I’m that desperate!”
Do a mind skill called “coping ahead”
With this DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) technique, you plan ahead to prevent a stressful situation. So, in this case, you’d set boundaries before you walk in the door. Right when you get there, you might say, “I’m going to max out at 8 tonight. So if there’s anything we want to do together, let’s do it before then.”
When you state your needs upfront, you cut the chances of hurt feelings and make life easier on yourself because it’s all been (nicely) pre-discussed. It also helps to share why you need time alone, Morin adds. “Say you’re working on managing your social battery this holiday so you can be at your best, and part of that means taking time every day to be by yourself.”
Say you’re stuffed and need to walk it off
If you’re antsy after dinner and crave a mind-clearing walk, just say “I overate and need a 10-minute walk to see if I can digest this,” Wood suggests. If anyone offers to join you, add, “I’m so uncomfortable I need to do this alone.” Your GI issues will surely scare them off!
Whatever you do, keep it simple
Sometimes, there’s no need to overthink your mini “Irish Exit.” Just follow the lead of my friend Camille, whose go-to line when a relative is talking her ear off is to claim she has to track down a family member. “I’ll say: I need to check on my daughter!” she shares. “Then I find a nice corner alone in the basement.”
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Sources:
- Amy Morin, LCSW, psychotherapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do; phone interview, Nov. 5, 2025
- Krystal Mazzola Wood, LMFT, marriage and family therapist and author of Setting Boundaries: 100 Ways to Protect Yourself, Strengthen Your Relationships, and Build the Life You Want… Starting Now; phone interview, Nov. 6, 2025
- The Ohio State University: “Alone time is important to mental health. Here’s how to get more of it.”
