Mom Advice: How to Mix Metaphors

Jody HewgillMy mother often gave bad advice but not in the sense that she would recommend a course of action that would prove ill advised. It was bad advice because it was hard to know what she meant—she was prone to malapropisms.

When my aunt offered us a mattress she no longer needed, my mother took it, saying, “Never look a gift mattress in the nose.” When I seemed to be pushing too hard and not getting enough sleep, she said, “Don’t bite the candle off at both ends.”

So I strive to accept, graciously, all that is given to me and to relax. After all, an apple a day never falls far from the tree.

Pete Nelson’s most recent novel is I Thought You Were Dead.