Consider it the letter that stumps party guests time and time again. We asked etiquette experts what the "M" on an RSVP card stands for—and what to do with it.
What Does the “M” Mean on an RSVP Card?
Updated Jul. 31, 2024
Congratulations: You’ve been invited to a wedding! You received the invite, which has all the information you need about where and when the wedding ceremony and reception is. Now it’s your turn—your first duty as a guest is to RSVP. Many wedding invitations will include a response card for you to send back. It seems like it should be pretty straightforward, but many cards have a seemingly random line on them preceded by a capital “M.” If you scratch your head every time you see one of these, you’re not alone. So what does “M” mean on an RSVP card, and what are you supposed to do with it?
This line often confuses people because while it used to be standard on all formal RSVP cards, that isn’t the case anymore. “Many people have no idea what this means because so many people are dropping it or using other options,” says etiquette expert Jan Goss, founder of Show Up Well Consulting. “My son is getting married soon, and this was actually a conversation we had.”
So should you put your name next to the “M” on an RSVP card? And what are the etiquette rules for using this line, both as a guest and a host? Reader’s Digest spoke with Goss and etiquette expert Lisa Grotts, aka the Golden Rules Gal, to get the definitive answer on this invitation mystery. Read on for the details so you never have to stress out about it again!
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What does “M” mean on an RSVP card?
“‘M’ is simply the beginning of someone’s title,” explains Grotts. “The custom may be dated, but it’s used for formal invitations even in this day and age.” That means that after the capital “M,” you’re supposed to write the rest of your title, or prefix to your name, whether that’s Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms.
The “M” line on RSVP cards has been a formal-invitation fixture for at least a century, possibly longer. It was used to reflect the importance of a person’s title, their relationship and their identity, Goss says. “For instance, women used to take a lot of pride in being ‘Mrs. John Brown,’ which feels antiquated to us today,” she explains. Wedding etiquette, including RSVP etiquette, is shifting to reflect modern relationships, but the sentiment—of being proud of your title and your partner—is still a lovely one, Goss adds.
How do you fill out the “M” on an RSVP card?
Before you fill out anything, check the envelope. “Whomever is on the envelope should be written on the name line, as these are the people who are invited,” Goss says. Some invitations may come with a second envelope inside with additional guests listed. If this is the case, then go by what is on the inside envelope.
From there, Grotts suggests writing the names of the people who are invited as closely as possible to how their names are written on the envelope—if all of those people are attending, of course. “For example, if an invitation is addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Grotts, you would fill in the blank as ‘Mr. and Mrs. John Grotts,'” Grotts explains. If first names aren’t included on the envelope but you prefer them to be used, then write your complete name. There’s also a practical matter to consider: RSVP cards are usually the basis for the seating cards (if the couple is using them), so if there will be a lot of people with your last name in attendance, it may help to include your first name as well.
If you are given a “plus one” on the RSVP, include that person’s name on the name line with yours. If you don’t know who the lucky person will be yet, simply write “and guest.” But whatever you do, don’t use the name line as an opportunity to invite someone else, Goss says. To spell it out even more clearly, if you aren’t given a “plus one,” under no circumstances should you add a significant other, a child (which has its own rules, since the wedding may be adults-only) or anyone else.
Examples of what to write on the “M” line of an RSVP card
Of course, life isn’t always that straightforward. Here are the nuances of what might go on that “M” line, depending on your situation, with some celebrity examples to illustrate them.
For single guests:
- “Miss Angelina Jolie” or “Mr. Lenny Kravitz.” You can also use Ms. as a neutral alternative to Miss.
For married couples:
- For couples of the opposite sex who share a last name: “Mr. and Mrs. Justin Bieber” or “Mr. Justin and Mrs. Hailey Bieber”
- For couples of the opposite sex who don’t share a last name: “Mr. Tom Hanks and Mrs. Rita Wilson”
- For couples of the same sex who share a last name: “Mr. and Mr. Johnson” or “Mrs. and Mrs. Brown”
- For couples of the same sex who don’t share a last name: “Mr. Neil Patrick Harris and Mr. David Burtka” or “Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres and Mrs. Portia de Rossi”
For unmarried couples:
- For couples of the opposite sex: “Ms. Oprah Winfrey and Mr. Stedman Graham”
- For couples of the same sex: “Mr. Ben Platt and Mr. Noah Galvin” or “Ms. Sophia Bush and Ms. Ashlynn Harris”
For transgender or non-binary couples:
- Use the prefixes and names that align with their current identities.
For MDs, PhDs and other titles:
- If you have an MD, PhD or other type of accreditation that confers a particular title, like doctor, you don’t necessarily need to add that in. “The ‘M’ is the great equalizer of guests,” Goss explains. “It conveys that everyone will be treated the same.” When the “M” is present, then it is expected that you will write one of the other options above. However, if it’s very important to you, you can simply write Dr. in place of your Mr., Ms. or Miss. Don’t cross out the “M,” though, since that looks gauche. This is one reason that couples are dropping the standard “M” and opting for a more generic “Name” line, Goss says.
Once all the names are squared away, don’t forget to indicate whether or not you’re coming! Fill out any other fields on the invitation as well, such as meal choices. And be sure to write neatly, says Grotts: “The one thing a bride needs is the full name of her guest(s) for a head count and a place card. She should not have to decipher your response (or penmanship).”
Does your RSVP card need an “M” line?
If even etiquette experts find this wedding tradition slightly old-fashioned, do you need to abide by it if you’re sending an invitation? No. “Many modern couples are dropping the response-card ‘M,'” Grotts says. “The shift has moved toward a prompt for guests to write in their names (such as ‘Lisa and John Grotts’) vs. their formal title and surname.”
If you’re filling out an RSVP card without the “M,” you’re of course welcome to still include your title. But the evolving etiquette rules don’t require it, nor do they require including the “M” in the first place. In fact, many modern couples are now opting to use a “Name” or “Name(s)” line instead of the “M” line. “It offers much more flexibility for the guests in writing their names,” Goss says. And it’s definitely less confusing!
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experience where appropriate. For this piece on understanding what the “M” on an RSVP card stands for, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in etiquette and communication for Reader’s Digest. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Lisa Grotts, etiquette expert who’s known as the Golden Rules Gal
- Jan Goss, etiquette expert, founder of Show Up Well Consulting and author of Protocol Power; phone interview, July 17, 2024
Originally Published: July 12, 2021
