The Simple Equation to a Better Relationship

Why are you always attracted to the wrong partner?

Do you always choose the wrong partner? According to relationship expert Dr. Barabara DeAngelis, your bad decisions could be the result of your family life growing up. Even if the dynamic in your family was not happy, it was still the place where you grew to understand care-taking and love at some level.  A lack of a sense of home, therefore, could lead in the future to a lack of connection with healthy love. As an example, DeAngelis says that if your parents fought all the time then home was chaos; if you were neglected then love was loneliness; and if you felt unsafe then love was fear.

Home = Love = ?

In this way people get involved in relationships that feel passionate, but aren’t necessarily what they need to grow. These relationships can be ones where “it feels comfortable to be uncomfortable,” as DeAngelis puts it. This setup leads to a cycle of failed relationships with the same type of partner.

Who you seek:

If you felt abandoned: Someone who cannot be there for you.

If you have low self esteem from criticizing or neglect: You tend to take what you can get.

If you are afraid of intimacy from abuse: Someone who can never give you a truly committed relationship.

So the next time someone comes along that has the same interests as you and you have a great time in each other’s company, but don’t necessarily feel that spark, think about your home life, your past partners, and most important, where you want to be. As DeAngelis says: Leave behind the pattern, not the person.


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Originally Published in Reader's Digest