The Worst (But Funniest) Way to Kill a Spider

Don’t try this at home.

The real Spider-Man is on the job. (Photo from

In our household, my wife’s job is to cook, clean, take care of our daughter, do the books, pull in the money, kiss my boo-boos, chop down trees, fend off pirates, and chase the neighbor’s kids off our lawn. My job is to kill the spiders. I do it because Jennifer would rather watch a five-part series on Clay Matthews tackling quarterbacks on ESPN than kill spiders.

And she’s not alone. In the current issue of the Digest, we ran this news item from, along with the joke it reminded us of: Eiliya Maida was sick and tired of the spiderwebs all over his Chico, California, backyard. So he decided to go after them once and for all … with a blowtorch. It worked—he got rid of the spiderwebs. Of course, he almost got rid of his home, too, when the attic caught fire, causing $25,000 worth of damage.

Here’s the joke: I was visiting my son the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “Dad, this is the 21st century,” he said. “I don’t waste money on newspapers. But if you like, you can borrow my iPad.”
I can tell you this: That spider never knew what hit him.

Yes, most of us are born arachnophobes. But one guy took his phobia further than most of us, with hilarious results. Best of all, he caught it all on video. And presented it. Next time, he’ll just get a can of Raid. This simple step will keep spiders out of your house. 

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest

Andy Simmons
Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest.