This Is What Happens When You Actually Use the Words on Your Word-of-the-Day Calendar

"January 11. Lost my word-of-the-day calendar. Oh boy. This is vexing." 1

A new year ahead, full of auspicious and promising things! Think I’ll stop by Dairy Queen for a Blizzard, but is that too auspicious this early in the year? Hard to say. Hard to say.

These surprising words were added to the dictionary this year.

January 2

Had a fun breakfast with my girlfriend, Meredith. Risible, even. Later, I had a risible chat with Jeff at the watercooler. It’s nice to be back at work, though my holidays were pretty risible, too, by which I guess I mean a situation or thing having qualities by which to provoke laughter and/or amusement.

January 3

Packed some pasta puttanesca for lunch today. I had a big presentation to make, which didn’t go so great. It went downhill when I described our first-quarter profits as having “the consistency of a pasta puttanesca,” and my boss kept asking me to clarify what I meant. I tried, but he just got angrier, turning red like you know what.

Do you use any of these uncommon words in the English language?

January 4

Today’s page was missing from my calendar! That’s quite vexing! Meredith had said that might happen, since the box seemed to have been opened when I bought it. I didn’t find it vexing at the time, but I guess I should have because now it’s very vexing to have had this happen! In the end, I just skipped to tomorrow’s word.

January 5

Another vexing day.

January 6

Meredith asked whether I’d go to the new Jennifer Lawrence movie with her. I said sure, but she’d have to check the times, since I’m not a soothsayer. Suddenly she asked me to sit down. She said I’d been acting weird and insisted that things had to change. OK, so just tell me that next time! I can’t guess—I’m not a soothsayer.

Make sure you’re not mispronouncing these common words.

January 7

Today’s events can be summed up in one word: esplanade.

January 8

Meredith broke up with me. I can’t really glean why. I said, “Meredith, can you please move your stuff off the kitchen table? I can barely see the newspaper I’m reading to glean what happened in the world today!” Next thing I could glean, she’d lost it.

January 9

Got fired today. It happened in a really pusillanimous way. I’m just working at my desk when my boss suddenly comes over and starts asking me whether I’ve been feeling OK. I mentioned my recent breakup but insisted it would be pretty pusillanimous to let that get me down. Next thing I knew, all my possessions, including my calendar, were in a box, and I was headed out the door.

These 10 words are nearly extinct.

January 10

I’m still hopeful, despite recent dyspeptic events. I’m using my extra time to hasten my pilgrimage through my calendar. Now I can take a minute, an hour, or even a yoctosecond to really ruminate over that thing. I’ve been a bit itinerant lately, but I can vouchsafe that things will ameliorate from here.

January 11

Lost my word-of-the-day calendar.
Oh boy. This is vexing.

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest