Blogger Patti Greco takes Grey author EL James to task for using artificially elevated language and fancy synonyms (something I also couldn’t help noticing while reading all three books) and suggests “corrections” using a thesaurus and a little common sense. Here are a few of my favorites:
The offense: “I haven’t made any plans, Mr. Grey. I just need to get through my final exams. Which I should be studying for right now, rather than sitting in your palatial, swanky, sterile office, feeling uncomfortable under your penetrating gaze.”
The fix: Cut palatial…it means the same thing as swanky.
The offense: “I wanted to run my fingers through his decadent, untidy hair, but I’d been unable to move my hands.”
The fix: Cut. This makes no sense.
The offense: ” ‘Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive,’ he says dryly.”
The fix: ” ‘Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women awake and able to feel what I’m doing,’ he says dryly.”
The offense: “My subconscious nods sagely, a you’ve-finally-worked-it-out-stupid look on her face.”
The fix: Stop personifying your subconscious.
Click here for the full list.