What Your Kitchen Table Says About You
There’s a story behind every home’s table. Well, on top of every table that is.
What does your kitchen table say about you?
A family heirloom or a garage sale find, shiny and new or missing a leg—kitchen tables are as unique as their owners. Each one (not to mention the things that top it) is the perfect descriptor of you and your family. So, what does your kitchen table say about you? Does your kitchen need a facelift? Once you learn what your kitchen table says about you, check out what the rest of your home says about you.
If your kitchen table is invisible due to it being a catchall for everything no one wants to put away…
You’re a dreamer. You dream of the day when you can not only find those matching placemats you bought at one time, but actually use them. You fantasize about the day when you’ll have time to declutter the way some people dream about the day they’ll visit the Eiffel Tower. You may also be a yeller, as in, “GET YOUR STUFF OFF THE TABLE OR IT WILL DISAPPEAR BY MORNING.” Clutter-free people do these 10 effortless things every day.
Tell me more.
But, mostly a dreamer. You have big plans for the future, and they are outlined on at least six different Pinterest boards. You want to start your own business, and you’d be great at it too, if only you had a table from which to work from. You know that buried underneath those layers of month-old mail, half-completed puzzles, impulse Target purchases, and a sleeping cat lives a space for you to make things happen. Big things. Shark Tank-esque things. You’ll get there. Plus, if your desk is a mess you’re probably a genius.
If your kitchen table is oversized, pristine, surrounded by tufted chairs and looks like it could be on the cover of Architectural Digest…
You like being fancy. If your name is Nancy, the nickname practically writes itself. You own at least three fondue pots, your teacups are made out of bone china and you have multiple sets of towels that no one has ever breathed on because they’re solely for display purposes. Some have tassels. Some of these design ideas make your kitchen look expensive.
Tell me more.
Your obsession started when the Bedazzler was invented and you’ve only known a blinged-out life since then. You have a room in your house dedicated entirely to gift-wrapping and the door is password protected because god forbid anyone try to mess up your ribbon spools. You love a good decorative pine cone and you insist on sit-down dinners every night with the family. Linen napkins and restrained political discussions are involved. To create a beautiful kitchen, you don’t have to spend a lot—but you can fool people into thinking you did with these kitchen upgrades.
If your kitchen table has five plates of completely different food on it starting to cool …
There are tiny humans in your house. They are all bottomless pits but require very specific meals due to their discerning natures, much like seasoned food critics. You, being the dutiful cook you are, entertain these requests partly because you’re a people pleaser and partly because you just don’t want to endure incessant whining about how “carrots are yuck.” You aim to make those in your life happy—young and old alike. Your favorite food also says a lot about your personality.
Tell me more.
You never forget a birthday, you like to send cards “just because” and you introduce yourself with the words, “Sorry, I’m a hugger!” You’re famous for a specific cookie recipe and often drop them off on the doorstep—in a decorative basket of course—of anyone who’s had a rough day. The reward for your endless thoughtfulness? Just the self-satisfaction that you’re helping make the world a happier place. Well, that and a fridge covered in crayoned love notes. For a cleaner look, remember these pointers for organizing your fridge.
If your kitchen table is glass…
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You’re a daredevil. You aren’t afraid of fingerprints, watermarks or snakes. You have an unregulated zipline through your backyard. You wear white pants while making homemade marinara. Aprons are for wimps. You believe life is a risk or nothing at all and you’re thinking of getting that tattooed somewhere—is the lower back acceptable again? Speaking of glass, this is how to clean your glass oven door.
Tell me more.
You love bold fashion statements, like an unexpected hat, and consider neon yellow the new black. Your favorite Friday night activity is those wine and paint nights, except you never follow the directions and always go abstract while everyone else paints a cactus. Your retirement plans include buying a tiny house and learning how to make chunky jewelry. Even your small habits reveal a lot about your personality.
If your kitchen table is mildly sticky at all times…
Listen, there aren’t enough hours in the day. It’s either you sacrifice basic personal hygiene (and deodorant is important) or a few household chores—cleaning that table being one of them. You just can’t anymore. Your work schedule is insane right now and just getting yourself and your family out of the house on time is like an Olympic sport every morning. You would probably get a bronze. It’s OK—everyone got breakfast, even if the littlest one just had two Girl Scout cookies and a cheese stick, but at least all family members left with shoes on, including yourself. Cooks need to know about the secret uses for these kitchen gadgets.