Avocado slicervia amazon.comHard-earned cash spent on this useless gadget may as well be tossed in the garbage along with your overripe avocado, says Alma Schneider of Take Back the Kitchen. Shneider purchased one herself based on the promise of perfect-looking slices and "it looked cool," she says. "Then I realized I had a brain. If an avocado is ripe enough to be eaten, it can easily be scooped out with a spoon or butter knife." Here, Schneider shares one of her favorite gadget-free recipes.
Garlic pressJoe-Gough/shutterstockStep 1: Rifle through appliance drawer looking for gadget. Step 2: Rinse dust and bacteria-laden bits of garlic off press. Step 3: Peel garlic, place inside, and press. Step 4: Shift garlic several times inside press, press again. Step 5: Scrape garlic off press. Step 6: Become frustrated because lots of garlic is not pressed and/or stuck in the holes. Step 7: Spend five minutes attempting to [unsuccessfully] clean press. Step 8: Shove in back of drawer, with hearty disdain, where it takes space away from useful multi-purpose items like...a professional chef's knife, which, by the way, chefs across the cutting board agree, is really all you need to peel garlic properly.
Eggstractor egg peelervia amazon.comSchneider explains that Eggstractor egg peeler arrived in her home as a presumed and well-intentioned hostess gift (in retrospect, she wonders if he had been joking). "It didn't work at all," she says, quickly banishing it to the back of the cabinet and eventual donation. "The best way to peel and egg is cooking it well and peeling with your hands."
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Veggie spiralizeriStock/GulsinaIf an inanimate object could ever make you "peckish and miserable," it's the spiralizer—say the gadget pundits over at the Telegraph. This gadget-of-the-times (aka "because you are trying to imitate food Instagrammers") is bulky, impossible to clean, and representative of your highly-filtered reality that will never come to spiralized fruition. To wit: After a rather short period, the writer was ready to "shunt the wretched thing to the back of the cupboard."
Banana slicervia amazon.com"Seriously, a banana slicer?," says Schneider. "Bananas are so soft you can practically cut them with air! Use a fork, a knife, or a spoon. Even dental floss!" For a laugh, she suggests perusing these rather sarcastic Banana Slicer Amazon reviews. However, the bottom line is: As with the banana slicer and other similar objects (the "Fastest Orange Peeler in the West" comes to mind), if you're someone who makes fruit salad (um, with bananas) literally every morning, or egg salad for lunch on the reg, you may be members of an elite team who truly needs a unique kitchen gadget. But for the rest of us, it's best to spend your money on actual food.
Electric can openervia amazon.comWhat's typically around 5" x 6" x 8.5", has a blade that accumulates grime, and is only for the laziest of us with acres of countertop to spare? Correct, the electric can opener. While the first of its kind debuted in the 1930s, as reported on the interwebs, the modernized 1956 version—in "popular colors of the era," e.g. Flamingo Pink, Avocado Green, and Aqua Blue—elevated it to kitchen gadget stardom. Be like liberated Betty Draper and toss this in the donation bin ASAP (and/or don't buy one to begin with). And if you're eating too much canned food, best use the extra muscle to open it, anyway.
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