The smartest joke I ever heard was so clever, I didn’t get it. It had to be explained to me seven times before I sort of got it. By the eighth explanation, I’d wised up enough to say, “Oh, now I get it,” just to shut them up. Here it is: “Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11.” I’m still not sure I get it, but I tell it all the time just so I sound smart
. (Here’s the kind of joke I like: “What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.”)
If you want to find out how it feels to sound smart, try out some of these jokes. Still confused? I tried explaining each below, in bold. (While you're at it, follow these little grammar rules
to make you sound even smarter.)Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
“Am I missing something? There’s no response.” That’s because rhetorical questions don’t get one. “Am I a dolt or what?” Umm …is that a rhetorical question?
Joke 2Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.
The joke wasn’t there because it was busy parking the car.
If you also laugh at these dark jokes, you're probably a genius
Joke 3Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
Oh, man! A hyperbole totally
ripped into this bar and destroyed everything!
A hyperbole is an exaggerated claim. No, really, realllllllllllyyyyy exaggerated. I mean, like, the most exaggerated thing in the history of ever!!
Joke 4Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
This sentence contains exactly threeee erors.
The third error? The fact that there are only two errors. The fourth error? Running this gag.
Read other jokes from comedy legends that are sure to have you laughing until you cry
Joke 5Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
No, to whom.
I always get this wrong, to (or is that “too” … “Two?”)
Joke 6Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
Q: How do mathematicians scold their children?
A: “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times ...”
N is a placeholder for a number. Adding one makes it one more than whatever n is. We could have used X, but this is a family magazine.
(Don't miss these hilarious math jokes
Joke 7Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
Divide 12 by 4, or a quarter. Now do you get it? (I didn’t. Someone had to tell me to do that.)
These short jokes are some that everyone can remember
Joke 8Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
The only time nothing is negative is under the Christmas tree. So when counting down, happily stop at nothing—or zero—to avoid the dreaded negative numbers.
Joke 9Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for.
Joke 10Tatiana Ayazo/Rd.com
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach ...”
And his cows preferred Moo-zak.