21 Times People Had Instant Regret While Googling
Warning: Searching for “big black studs” will not give you the earrings you were looking for. Here’s what else you should avoid typing into the search engine.
But was there cheesecake for dessert?
“I tried a recipe at our dinner group and I loved it, but all I could remember was that it was called something like Korean Beef. So I Googled that… and got an eyeful of very studly Asian men. I gave up and called my friend for the recipe.” —Jeanette K., Gainesville, Florida. This is how much Google really knows about you.
Hmm, what do people like to measure in inches and post on the Internet?
“I write children’s books and I was working on one about animals. One of the animals had a six-inch tongue and I was trying to think of something of a similar length that would be familiar to kids. So I googled ‘things that are 6 inches long.’ That got me a lot of results for… a certain male body part. Then I tried ‘things that are 6 inches long tongues’. That was so much worse! I wish that was the only time I’ve had a Google fail like that. The IT department at my work loves me.” —Sarah T., Minneapolis
My family history took a strange turn
“I was looking at our family tree online and noticed an ancestor from the Netherlands. She looked like an interesting person and I wanted to learn more about who she was. Her name? Babe App. Yeah, that Google search didn’t go the way I intended! And the worst part is, I still haven’t learned any more about her.” —Melissa S., Everett, Washington. Don’t miss these hysterical autocorrect fails that’ll make you laugh-cry.
Dirty moms are the ones with peanut butter stains and boogers on their shirt, right?
“Ever since I had kids, the skin on my knees has been perpetually dry and darkened. I assumed it was from kneeling so much while playing on the floor with the kids. My dermatologist was no help. So I googled ‘dirty mom knees.’ Not smart.” —Leslie G., Chicago. Curious about the method behind the madness? This is exactly how Google works.
Human butt problems > dog butt problems
“My dog was having some trouble pooping and the vet suggested it might be an abscessed anal gland. I wasn’t sure what that was so I decided to Google it, to try and figure out if that’s what was going on with my dog. Unfortunately, I forgot to add ‘dog’ to ‘abscessed anal glands’ in my search. I’m permanently scarred from those pictures.” —Kristen M., Nashville
Running shoes, I was looking for running shoes!
Sander van der Werf/Shutterstock
“I needed new running shoes so on my lunch break at work, I opened up Google and typed in ‘Dicks.com’. I meant the sporting goods store but that was definitely not what came up! Even worse, it got flagged in our system and I had to explain to my boss why I was looking at that stuff on my work computer. Apparently, so many people made this same mistake that in 2011, Dick’s Sporting Goods finally bought that web address. Now, it’s a perfectly safe site!” —Keri K., Apple Valley, Minnesota
I swear I’m not a human trafficker
“My grandpa had a farm and sold baby goats so one day we decided to see what other ones were available. Here’s a hot tip: If you’re in the market, don’t search ‘For Sale Black Pygmy kids’.” —April Y., Denver. Check out the most popular how-to searches on Google.
Maybe this is why I never got a call back from that job…
“It sounds crazy but I can’t Google my own legal name (at least not anywhere where someone could see my screen). Apparently, I have a doppelganger out in Nevada who’s in a rather NSFW profession.” —Amanda J., Lakeland, Florida
All I wanted was a nice holiday recipe!
“Last Christmas I wanted to try making a cream pie for dessert but I wasn’t sure how to do it so I decided to look up some recipes online. I Googled ‘cream pies’ and quickly learned that is a euphemism for a particular sex act (that has nothing to do with pie!). Now I always add ‘recipe’ to any food search I’m doing just in case there are other food-sex things I don’t know about!”—Michelle K., Columbus, Ohio. Don’t miss these other 12 funny Google searches.
This is not the kind of support I was looking for
“My husband died when I was just 22 years old and I was devastated. To help me cope, I went online to find a support group of other young women who were in the same situation. I Googled ‘young widows.’ Big mistake! Who knew there is a whole genre of porn just about that? I was so shaken I ran out of the room, unplugging my computer for good measure.” —Cora P., Atlanta