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The 60 Most Ridiculous Excuses People Actually Used to Get out of Work

"Grandma tried to poison me. Again."

llama wouldn't stop barfingNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Sick llama

An employee couldn't come in because his llama wouldn't stop barfing.

ate cat foodNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Tummy troubles

An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill. Still not as bad as the dumbest job applicants of all time.

stuck in the blood pressure machineNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Stuck on you

An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out.

retrieving belongings from the dumpsterNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Dumpster diving

An employee's wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.

broke his armNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

#Priorities

An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.

poisoned him with hamNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What's your poison?

An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham. Find out what bosses say the actual best way to call in sick is.

fortune-teller asked him not to step out of the houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Potential brain damage

The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not 
to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage. 

accidentally got on a planeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Blowing the coop

An employee couldn’t come to work because she accidentally got on a plane. Think accepting that excuse is bad? Read these 41 ridiculous things people believed as kids.

lucky nightNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Walk of Shame

An employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was in the morning.

funeral of his wife's cousin's petNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Family ties

An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet, because he was an uncle and pallbearer.

someone glued her doors shutNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

No way out

An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.

teeth flew out the windowNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Dental drama

An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway. Don't miss these 15 bizarre excuses people used in car insurance claims.

his fish was unwellNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Sick fish

An employee refused to come 
to work because his fish was unwell. 

ozone in the air flattened his tiresNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Something in the air

An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires. It would take the world's dumbest boss to fall for that.

bowling the game of his lifeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Lucky strike

An employee was bowling the game of his life and couldn’t make it to work.

at the casino all weekendNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Show me the money

An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.

bats got in her hairNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Bad hair day

An employee said bats got in her hair.

was bitten by a duckNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Mighty ducks

An employee said she was bitten by a duck.

traumatic stress from a large spiderNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Buggin' out

An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home, and had to stay home to deal with it.

suffering from a hangoverNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Honest Abe

The employee said he’d gotten drunk the night before and was now suffering from a hangover. 

uniform on fireNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Microwave mistakes

An employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry. Make sure you know these "innocent" things you didn't know could get you fired.

in a good moodNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Oh happy day

An employee woke up in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it.

child stuck a mint up his noseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Mint emergency

An employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it. (In this employee's defense, this is a pretty believable excuse.)

grandmother was being exhumedNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Law and order

An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.

feeling too upsetNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Unhappy ending

An employee was feeling too upset after watching “The Hunger Games.”

too many garage salesNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Money woes

An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.

had to mow the lawnNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Duty calls

An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners' Association.

a cow broke into her houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Holy cow

An employee said a cow broke into her house and she had to wait for the insurance man.

forgot he had been hiredNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

What job?

An employee forgot he had been hired for the job. Check out these other outrageous true stories of dumb employees.

couldn't decide what to wearNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Fashion emergency

An employee couldn’t decide what to wear.

got a cold from a puppyNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Puppy problems

An employee got a cold from a puppy.

locked himself in the houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Windowless house

The employee insisted he’d locked himself in his house by mistake 
and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of. 

hurt his back chasing a beaverNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Leave it to beaver

An employee hurt his back chasing a beaver.

blocked in by policeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Room raiders

An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home. These have got to be the dumbest laws in every state.

the meal he cookedNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Cooking fail

An employee said the meal he cooked for a department potluck didn't turn out well.

casserole in the ovenNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Dinner dilemma

An employee had just put a casserole in the oven.

too much birthday cakeNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Let them eat cake

An employee ate too much birthday cake.

gall stoneNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Healing powers

An employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.

called in sick from a barNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Happier hour

An employee called in sick from a bar at 5:00 p.m. the night before. Check out these 13 craziest things drive-through workers have seen on the job.

forgot it wasn't the weekendNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

No concept of time

An employee forgot it wasn't the weekend.

petroleum jelly in their eyesNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Can't see the laptop

An employee put petroleum jelly in their eyes.

had to watch a soccer gameNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Different time zones

An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.

thought Flag Day was a legal holidayNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Holiday mix up

An employee though Flag Day was a legal holiday.

mother made his favorite dishNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Too full to move

An employee said his mother made his favorite dish and he ate too much. 

visit the exotic animal clinicNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Sick pet

An employee has to take his pet turtle to visit the exotic animal clinic. 

wind blew the deck off their houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Damaged house

An employee said the wind blew the deck off their house.

kids changed all the clocks in the houseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Pranked

An employee was late because they overslept because their kids changed all the clocks in the house.

cornered by a mooseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Don't move a muscle

An employee was cornered by a moose.

mother locked them in a closetNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Time out

An employee couldn't come to work because their mother locked them in a closet.

Ordered a pizzaNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Home delivery

An employee ordered a pizza that was late being delivered, and they had to be home to accept/pay for it.

sunrise was so beautifulNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Dazzled by the sun

An employee thought the sunrise was so beautiful that they had to stop and take it in.

mother-in-law wouldn't stop talkingNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Chatter mouth

An employee said their mother-in-law wouldn't stop talking.

was offered a grilled cheeseNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Too good to pass up

An employee was offered a grilled cheese sandwich and couldn't say no.

too cold to workNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Below freezing

An employee said it was too cold to work. Amazing bosses might not let you get away with these excuses for missing work, but they do these things every day

morning sicknessNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Expecting

A male employee claimed he had morning sickness. 

coffee was too hotNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Caution! Your beverage is hot

An employee's coffee was too hot and they couldn't leave until it cooled off.

astrologer warned them of a car accidentNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Took the road less traveled

An employee was an hour late because an astrologer warned them of a car accident on a major highway, so they took all backroads.

their dog ate their work scheduleNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Blame the dog

An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule.

fell asleep in the parking lotNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Snoozing on the job

An employee was at their office but fell asleep in the parking lot.

fake eyelashes were stuck togetherNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Eyes glued shut

An employee's fake eyelashes were stuck together. 

drove to their former employer's locationNicole Fornabaio/rd.com

Wrong office

An employee accidentally drove to their former employer's location even though they haven't worked there for five years. Now, check out the craziest things Walmart employees have seen at work.