The 34 Most Ridiculous Excuses People Actually Used to Get Out of Work

"Grandma tried to poison me. Again."

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“Hey boss, I’m really sorry but I can’t come into work today. No, no, I’m fine—It’s just that [deep sigh] my llama keeps barfing.”

Ah, yes. The old sick llama defense. So goes one of the great calling-into-work-sick excuses of all time, shared with careerbuilder.com by an actual employee who works for an actual company somewhere in America. This masterfully weird alibi comes from the latest of CareerBuilder’s annual sick day surveys, which invited more than 5,000 hiring managers and employees to reveal the most bizarre excuses they’ve heard (or used) to skive off of work. Trust us—it gets way weirder than llamas. Here, for your amusement and inspiration, are the most ridiculous excuses people have used to get out of work, compiled from five years of actual employee testimonials.

1. Tummy troubles

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill. (Still not as bad as the dumbest job applicants of all time.)

2. Stuck on you

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out.

3. Dumpster diving

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee's wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.

4. #Priorities

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.

5. What's your poison?

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham.

6. Blowing the coop

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee couldn’t come to work because she accidentally got on a plane.

7. Walk of Shame

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was in the morning.

8. Family ties

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet, because he was an uncle and pallbearer.

9. No way out

The-34-Most-Ridiculous-Excuses-People-Actually-Used-To-Get-Out-of-WorkTatiana Ayazo/Rd.com

An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.

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