The Funniest Amazon Reviews of All Time
The reviews tend to be a lot more honest than the actual product description. Sometimes, they can be pretty hilarious too.
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Always read the reviews
Amazon is known for having very thorough (and sometimes funny) reviews on the products they sell. Before you add anything to your cart you should always see what the customers really thought. Read on to see some brutally honest reviews that will also make you laugh out loud.
Finally! A way to slice bananas
“Gone are the days of biting off slice-sized chunks of banana and spitting them onto a serving tray. At long last, there is a saliva-free way of slicing bananas. Thank you, Hutzler! Next on my wish list: a kitchen tool for dividing frozen water into cube-sized chunks.” —via Amazon/customer review/N. Krumpe. You’ll also want to check out these Amazon products with practically perfect reviews.
Great compliment for my skin art
“Unfortunately, I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.” —via Amazon/customer review/overlook1977
Ideal for a variety of feminine writing tasks
“I love BIC Cristal for Her! The delicate shape and pretty pastel colors make it perfect for writing recipe cards, checks to my psychologist (I’m seeing him for a case of the hysterics), and tracking my monthly cycle. Obviously, I don’t use it for vulgar endeavors like math or filling out a voter application, but BIC Cristal for Her is a lovely little writing utensil all the same. Ask your husband for some extra pocket money so you can buy one today!” —via Amazon/customer review/E. Bradley
Not as convenient as I expected
“I just picked uuyp my laptop hoder from the post offfice and I’m ddriving home now. It’s OK Iguess, but the bumpy road majkes it hard to type. And theree’s a lot of pedeestrians and traffi c that keep distracti9ng me fromm my computer.
It’s prolly OK ffor web browsing or email, but I don’gt think it will be so useful for mmore complex tasks. Oh, and yyou can’t make any sharrp turns. So when you turn right, somnetimess you have to use the oppsing lane of traffic.” —via Amazon/customer review/John Meinken. For more laughs check out these hilarious work cartoons.
Now I have companionship
“At first I wasn’t sure if spending money on a sticker of an old lady with an inhaler was a good idea but once I got it I knew I had made the right choice. She keeps me company in my apartment since I don’t have any actual friends, we eat, play board games, and watch tv together. We have so much in common like our love for breathing and other things. She doesn’t argue like real people do and unlike a girlfriend, I don’t have to take her on dates, worry about keeping her happy, and she doesn’t nag me for money. Overall I am 100 percent satisfied with my purchase.” —via Amazon/customer review/Wes
My transformation is complete
“It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways. Now I question everything I thought I once knew and fear I am no longer capable of following through with my primary objective. I know that those who sent me will not relent. They will send others in my place… But we will be ready.” —via Amazon/customer review/ByronicHero
Despite the fact that it comes in a can…
“It is not cat food. Does anyone know if there’s a cure for sudden tentacles? The cat’s huge and well, doesn’t really look much like a cat anymore. She still answers to Muffin though. However, if she rubs against my bare leg one more time her new name will be calamari.” —via Amazon/customer review/General Garbage Person. Speaking of reviews, these really great movies got horrible reviews.
Good advice for most readers, but doesn’t cover all the bases
“There is one major oversight in this generally well-written book, and that is that it addresses animate readers exclusively. As a large rock in the Tyrrhenian Sea off the coast of Giglio Island, I have recently been confronted with instances in which avoiding huge ships was of fundamental interest to my personal well-being. However, the methods presented in Capt. Trimmer’s book were none too useful in my efforts to avoid huge ships, as I was recently struck by a very large ship indeed, a cruise vessel called the ‘Costa Concordia.’ I think the ship came off slightly worse in the exchange, but the experience was disruptive to my afternoon and rather jarring. In a situation such as this, Capt. Trimmer’s advice would have been immensely beneficial to humans, fish, seabirds, and other animals, but I am none of those things. I’m a big rock.” —via Amazon/customer review/Jamie
