The 75 Funniest Quotes of All Time
Your complete guide to funny quotes, clever jokes, and witty comebacks for every occasion.
Funny Quotes on Geography: What defines a country?
“I thought Europe was a country.” —Kellie Pickler, country music singer. If you agree with the fact that these are hilarious quotes, you’ll also enjoy the funniest books of all time.
Funny Quotes on the Founding Fathers
“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” —Stephen Colbert
Funny Quotes on Naiveté: Lion vs. sheep
“It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.” —Donald Trump (retweeting a Benito Mussolini quote)
Funny Quotes on Sleep Anxiety
“The lion shall lie down with the calf, but the calf won’t get much sleep.”—Woody Allen
Funny Quotes on Celeb Smarts
“I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.” —Tara Reid, actress. Love these hilarious quotes? Then read up on these inspirational quotes to get you through the morning.
Funny Quotes on “Intellectuals”
“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.” —Billy Connolly, actor
Funny Quotes on Designer Dreams
“I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home.” —Kanye West, rap artist
Funny Quotes on Former Lives
“I don’t believe in reincarnation, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.” —Shane Richie, British actor
Funny Quotes on Relationships
“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.” —Axl Rose, lead singer of Guns N’ Roses. Are you enjoying these funniest quotes? Check out the most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each).
Funny Quotes on Marriage
“Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.” —Anonymous