The 101 Funniest Quotes of All Time
Your complete guide to funny quotes, clever jokes, and witty comebacks for every occasion.
Funny quotes on the housing market
"I admit that I live in the past, but only because housing is so much cheaper." —Matt Wohlfarth
Funny quotes on homework
"I recently asked a student where his homework was. He replied, 'It’s still in my pencil.'" —Larry Timmons. Check out these ridiculous things people actually believed as kids.
Funny quotes on income
"Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: 'What is your source of income?' She wrote: 'ATM.'" —Michael Mcrae
Funny quotes on running
"One of my biggest fears is that I’ll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays." —@xnatata (Natalia Skrodzki)
Funny quotes on directions
"Mapquest really needs to start its directions on number five. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood." —Aaron Karo
Funny quotes on times of optimism
"My parents said marrying was an optimistic thing to do in pessimistic times." —Olivia Wilde
Funny quotes on medical symptoms
"WebMD is updating its server because of a virus. Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis." —Crystal Lowery
Funny quotes on yelling
"If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them." —Reese Witherspoon
Funny quotes on privilege
"I never feel more privileged than when I get angry about website design." —Kelly Oxford. These funny baby photos will make you laugh out loud.
Funny quotes on being polite
"User: the word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot.'" —Dave Barry