The 18 Funniest Things People Have Ever Said—While They Were Sleeping

"Mother! Fetch me my cape!"

Can you remember your last somniloquy? Chances are you didn't deliver it onstage—if you did, the audience would demand their money back—but it was probably an unforgettable performance nonetheless. "Somniloquy" is the technical term for sleep talking, a harmless, unconscious behavior that about 5 percent of adults keep up regularly after childhood. With your mind deep in dreamland and your motor functions edging back into reality, sleep talking is one of those highly bizarre activities that you can do without having any recollection of it. That was certainly the case with these Reddit readers who shared the funniest, most unusual things they ever said (or heard someone else say) while sleep talking. Lucky for us all, there was someone else around to record them. Take it all in—and then tell us your answer.

What's the funniest thing you've heard someone say in their sleep?

01-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy mum, after falling asleep on the couch: "We'll need to find a replacement..." Me: "for what?" Mum: "Your sister" —Reddit user frankiedarlin
02-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy wife told me last month that while I was sleeping I said, "Set the burrito trap." She said she asked me what that was… I have no clue, but would like to know myself. —porkfatrules (Here are 13 weird things your body does while you sleep.)
03-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy SO does this almost every night: "Baby... if you were a caterpillar..." Me: "...Yeah?" Her: "What... what would do you with all those legs?" —basemodel

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04-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockI said to my fiancé in my sleep: "I love you because you have such long antennae." —YodaPie
05-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockOnce a friend told me that I went on in my sleep about how great Benjamin Franklin was, and referred to him as the "king of kites" more than once.  —Shatakai
06-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy friend once yelled, "Mother! Fetch me my cape!" to his mother’s bemusement. —PneumaticPtarmigan

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07-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockJust last week, my 8-year-old daughter rolls over in my bed where she’d fallen asleep and said, "mmmmm... I want pizza. (pause) And a beer." I nearly fell out of bed laughing. —tanyagal2
08-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy mom told me I once said, "Don't go to that party R2, they have spaghetti. It'll mess up your circuits." Honestly I have no idea. —KingMiguelMCID
09-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy dad was coming out of surgery. Sat up, pointed at my mom and said, "after I get rid of her, I am going to clown school." He then laid back down and went back to sleep. —danmanne (Here are 50 secrets your surgeon won't tell you.)

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10-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockI once told my ex I had to push the plants deeper into the plant pots, while simultaneously pushing her out of bed with both hands. —Ninja_Guin
11-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockI once heard a friend say, "Just put it in the washing machine, and all your wishes will come true." —RelentlessBlount
12-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy boyfriend, who is a horticulture major and works hybridizing roses, suddenly grabbed my arm in his sleep and said in a rather suggestive voice, "Sooo… are any of your seedlings repeat bloomers?" —Reddit User

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13-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockFrom my boyfriend: A really big exasperated sigh followed by "Pants with buttons. GROSS." —cheshire_brat
14-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy wife: "It's OK honey, it's just the light. You don't really look like a girl" —lotsalotsacoffee
15-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy ex talked in her sleep a lot. One time that really stands out, she said, "If you paint it pink, it'll be worth more and last longer." —electricballroom

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17-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockWas traveling Australia with my girlfriend. She chuckled and said, "It's so simple. We get the koalas to do the washing up." —ashpow
18-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockAccording to my friends, they had asked me a question not realizing that I was asleep and I responded with, "just put it in the iTunes refrigerator." —VelocityRAPTOR33
19-The-19-Funniest-Things-People-Said-in-Their-Sleep-275455670-vectorchefvectorchef/shutterstockMy Dad: "Oh no! Burritoed!" —mandlebar

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