You can find just about anything you’re looking for on Craigslist— especially if you’re looking for the strange and peculiar. Here are some real, ridiculous Craigslist ads we actually found.
ROOMS FOR RENT
“I have a bedroom available for a male or female roommate. The apartment is spacious and well lit. I work as a researcher and I’m also pursuing a Master’s Degree. One more thing. On our bathroom door is a checklist. I like to keep a record of my bowel movements and I expect you to do the same.”
“I recently acquired a decommissioned Chinese nuclear submarine and am renting it out. The ‘crew member’ price is a low $120 per month and includes a bunk in the sleeping quarters, access to the mess hall, and a shared bathroom. Utilities included. We have enough uranium to power us through the 2060s.”
“Toilet: could be fixed up. A little dirty, and it leaked and overflowed last time it was used. My son stuffed an action figure down it, so if anyone picks this up and fixes it, can you drop the action figure back off at my house?”
“One right New Balance shoe (never been worn). I broke my right foot and only used the left shoe, so now I have this new right shoe. Great gift for a one-footed person, or if you know anyone with a broken left foot.”
“Giving away absolutely free of charge, with no lien, mortgage, or other encumbrance of any sort, the undisputed world-record holder in the ‘loudest vacuum cleaner on the face of the Earth’ category! Act now to take advantage of this truly unique opportunity!”
“Left-handed vintage air guitar for free. All that’s needed is new strings and a good dusting.”
“Fart Jar for sale: My hot girlfriend’s fart in a mason jar. Need cash to pay the rent.”
“I have some banana slugs. I will lease them out for $1 per day. You just come and catch them, and keep sliding dollar bills under my front door. I am trying to save up for a flat screen TV.”
“I found four cockroaches in a box of Triscuits a few months back. I hate to have to get rid of them but I’m moving to a smaller place and won’t really have the room for them anymore. Re-homing fee of $15 each or $50 for all four.”
“I have more than 1,300 pope hat replicas that I really need to get rid of. They are a little too small for most adult heads and are also irritating to the skin, so you would need to have long hair or wear a smaller hat underneath (just like the real pope). Dogs do not like to wear these pope hats, but maybe a large cat would wear one.”
“Looking for an assistant to help in texting duties—replies, deleting texts, alerting of new texts, reading texts, filtering texts. I get 40-50 texts an hour. I can’t handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs to be deleted every couple of hours. This is a full-time position and you must be wherever I am, because my phone is always with me.”
“We have a complete business plan that aims to yield investors 1,000% returns within only a five-year period. We have all the pieces in place; the only missing piece is YOU! We are looking for a very motivated scientist who has experience in teleportation research and/or technology. Send a resume and any other information that may set you apart from other teleportation scientists.”
“I need someone to hide Easter eggs in my apartment when I am not there. They are small and filled with candy.”
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