31 Times Our Dads Were the Funniest People on Earth

Readers shared their all-time favorite dad stories and it got real corny, real fast.

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Funny dad: The world's most tireless dad

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On a brutally hot day I walked past a miniature golf course and saw a dad following three small children from hole to hole. “Who’s winning?” I shouted. “I am,” said one kid. “Me,” said another. “No, me,” yelled the third. Sweat dripping down his face, the dad gasped, “Their mother is.” —Tom Lappas

Funny dad: The world's most sentimental dad

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The family was viewing old slides and one flashed on the screen that caught everyone's attention. My father, wearing his favorite golf shirt, was holding me at the tender age of three weeks. The look on his face told all. "There's my prize possession," my father said. Touched, I smiled at him as he continued, "I wonder whatever happened to that golf shirt?" —Jeanne Graves

Funny dad: The world's most sympathetic dad

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Four students walked in halfway though the American history test my father was giving at the community college. “Sorry,” they said, “We had a flat tire.” An understanding man, dad said that if they could all answer just one question correctly, he would give them each an “A” for the exam. They agreed. So dad handed each one a piece of paper, placed the in four separate corners and said, “Write down which tire was flat.” —Kurt Smith (Check out the funny advice these comedians gave dads—They know what they're talking about!)

Funny dad: The world's most level-headed dad

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My uncle was driving to a hockey game with his two sons when their car hit a low-flying duck. After absorbing the shock of what just happened, Uncle Mike broke the silence with, “Well, there’s a bird that didn’t live up to his name.” —Jason Bulbuk

Funny dad: The world's most perfectionist dad

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In the frozen-foods department of our local grocery store, I saw a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, then whispered conspiratorially to his son, “You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.” —Janet Campbell

Funny dad: The world's most smooth-talking dad

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After an explosive argument with our mother, my little brother pasted a sign reading “I hate Mom” on the door to his room, and slammed it shut. My dad, a school psychologist, came home to this standoff. “I’ll take care of it,” he said, then went into my brother’s room. Minutes later, Dad came out. “He doesn’t hate you anymore,” he reassured. Sure enough, my brother had crossed out “Mom” on his sign. It now read “I hate Dad.” —Michele Pecoraro

Funny dad: The world's most heroic dad

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Our family sheltered in the basement after hearing a tornado warning. My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone from the car, in case the lines went dead. He didn’t return for the longest time, so I went looking for him. I was upstairs calling his name, when I heard our phone machine click on. “Hi,” a voice said. “This is Dad. I’m locked out of the house.” —Laure Jorges

Funny dad: The world's most thorough dad

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When my dad ran out of gas, he called mom to pick him up in her car. They went to a gas station, filled a can, and returned to his car. After a few minutes, he got into her car again. “We need to go back to the gas station,” he said. “One gallon wasn’t enough?” mom asked. “It would have been if I’d put it in the right car.” —Kent T. Critchlow

Funny dad: The world's most samurai dad

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The black lacquer stand holding his prized samurai swords was dusty, so my husband left our cleaning lady a note, reading, “Check out my swords.” That evening, he found the stand just as dirty as  before but with this appended to his note: “Nice swords.” —Eleonore Bode-Lemming

Funny dad: The world's most practical dad

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Dad is old-school: he keeps all his money in the underwear drawer. One day I bought him a personal safe in the shape of a paint can with a false bottom, so he could keep his money in the workshop instead. Later I asked Mom if he was using it. “Oh yes—he put his money in it the same day,” she said. “No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!” I gloated. “they won’t have to,” mom replied. “He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer.” —Judee Mulvey

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