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32 Funny Drinking Quotes That Will Make You Spit Your Drink Out

Made for everyone who gets a little too excited for happy hour.

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Steve Martin

“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”—Steve Martin

He was a wise man who invented beer.” —PlatoGetty Images, rd.com

Plato

"He was a wise man who invented beer.” —Plato. The compliment of "wise" really means a lot coming from Plato. We'd like to think he'd also enjoy these funny drinking quotes AND these clever jokes that make you sound smart.

“Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn’t everyone?” —Noel CowardGetty Images, rd.com

Noel Coward

“Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn’t everyone?” —Noel Coward. We might have to start after looking at these candid cartoons about politics and money.

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E. EllisGetty Images, rd.com

Joe E. Ellis

"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E. Ellis

"If girls always treated each other like we do when we're drunk in the girl's bathroom, the world would be a happier place." —AnonymousGetty Images, rd.com

Anonymous

"If girls always treated each other like we do when we're drunk in the girl's bathroom, the world would be a happier place." —Anonymous. Keep the laughter rolling beyond these funny drinking quotes with the 101 funniest quotes of all time.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey BogartGetty Images, rd.com

Humphrey Bogart

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart

"In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power, and in water there is bacteria." —AnonymousGetty Images, rd.com

Anonymous

"In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power, and in water there is bacteria." —Anonymous

“There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.”—Bette DavisGetty Images, rd.com

Bette Davis

“There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.”—Bette Davis

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." —Oscar WildeGetty Images, rd.com

Oscar Wilde

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." —Oscar Wilde. They may not be as eloquent as Oscar Wilde, but we still think you'll get a laugh out of these jokes the internet is already making about murder hornets.

"Men are like wine—some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age." —Pope John XXIIIGetty Images, rd.com

Pope John XXIII

"Men are like wine—some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age." —Pope John XXIII

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